It’s 7:23 in the morning on Father’s Day. I’m curled up in bed next to a sleeping father. Not my father. Not the father of my child. Also not just some dad. In a weird way he’s sort of everyone’s startup dad in Portland. But he’s asleep so we’ll move on.

I didn’t actually come here to talk about fathers at all. Or Father’s Day. I came to talk about something I noticed last week. My partner referred to me as an artist.

You know I’ve always wanted to be a few things. A writer. An artist. A witch. A fairy princess. My aunt Sandy. And a cat burglar, though that’s largely an Eartha Kitt fever dream from my childhood.

I don’t even really remember the sentence. It was something like “You’re an artist, be an artist.”

It wasn’t a proclamation. It wasn’t a profession. It wasn’t even something he seemed to be thinking about. It slipped out of his mouth in the midst of an incredibly casual conversation.

And I have been clinging to that moment. That feeling. That glowing moment of feeling seen ever since.

Labels matter. I know how that sounds. But they fucking do.

So I’m thinking of all labels that have been pinned to me in life. Either by design or by happenstance. The ones I cling to. The ones I shout. The ones I hold close to my heart and hope others will see. The ones I shove down and hope no one will ever notice.

I feel like I’m about to launch into Bitch by Meredith Brooks.

Sensitive. Spacey. Intimidating. Unavailable. Cold. Mom. Contributor. Manager. Guardian. Mentor. Patient. Friend. Daughter. Sister. Love. Cruel. Insensitive. Clumsy. Selfish. Selfless. Autistic. Disabled. Writer. Artist. Manager. Barista. Occultist. Weirdo. Bitch. Queer. Hateful. Welcoming. Crazy. Unstable. Supportive. Martyr. Selfless. Teacher. Student. Selfish. Sick.

How do I move on from that list? It’s not even a complete list. Just partial. It’s overwhelming.

But I’m not. No singing. No more lists today. I have a breakfast order arriving in 20 minutes, a pot of coffee waiting for someone to drink it, and the World Cup was thoughtful enough to schedule 4 matches today so entertainment is just waiting to be enjoyed.

Tucking away the labels for the day. Instead of being something, I’ll see if I can just be.