Perhaps I should say I won't fight this feeling. I paused. I took a day's worth of breaths. I let the feelings wash over me in waves. Panicked. Numb. Angry. Numb. Mourning. Numb. Disgust. Numb. Understanding. Disgust. Anger. Hurt. Numb. I don't want the numb. I don't want to be calm. I don't want to … Continue reading I can’t fight this feeling…
Sometimes just sitting and working things make their way into your conscious mind. Who knows from where the come. It could be anywhere. A look across the table, a penny lying in the street, a particularly intricate spiderweb covered in dew, a word, the sound of a plane overhead or a vivid dream recalled from … Continue reading the one less traveled…
There's something about the look of those stark black letters on white cotton paper being pulled from the typewriter. There's no way to duplicate it. You can't photocopy it and achieve the same effect. You can't use your computer because no font in the world can duplicate it. The indentation of the letters perfectly in … Continue reading the typewritten word…
Years can be such slippery intangible things, as we slide from one to the next. Season to season. Walking through our lives noticing so little of what the last year has held and what the coming years will bring. Except hair wet with rain in Spring. Skin glistening with sweat in Summer. Crunching leaves beneath … Continue reading in time
There's an internal monologue which plays through my head in the mornings as I go about my tasks. Stick to my schedule. As I wake K from slumber, get her ready for school not so much by doing for her as I used to, but by carefully not doing for her. By hanging at the … Continue reading even here…
I'm overwhelmed. There. I said it. I am. I never expected this to be simple. I never expected it to be easy. Things are difficult. Tense. Uneasy. Unstable. And yes. Overwhelming. And the list of things a that needs to get done is long and getting longer. I'm knocking one of those tasks off today, … Continue reading help wanted
I've been quiet here. Not a peep out of me for a week... what has the world come to when Cami Kaos isn't babbling incessantly? There's been too much and not enough and yet I've found time to smile and play and live life in a very happy, if cramped sort of way. I'm hoping … Continue reading all’s not quiet…
we've struggled over the last few years to carve out an office space for me in the house. It's moved around a lot. I've given it up twice to do things with space I thought was more important. Little known fact: Our recording studio used to be two rooms. Well a room and a half. … Continue reading now you know I mean business…
- No matter how far in advance you put something important on your calendar, something just as important can come a long and totally mess with that first thing... Even 5 months in advance. - When it rains it pours... that happens with good things too. - Raising my child is totally interfering with my … Continue reading notes on a Saturday
CamiKaos 