A retroactive translation The 8th of April, in this year of our discontent Dear Reader, Today I have begun to be weaned from my tonic by order of Dr. S—. The reduction is significant — by a third, she has said, "to keep the worst of it manageable." I had not known the tonic was … Continue reading letters from the rest cure…
It's 6:26 am on a Saturday. I'm currently stoned on a delicate balance of Bruce Banner, to give me the ability and energy to actually move this meat sack I'm living in, and Purple Punch, to dull all of the joint pain and muscle pain enough to let me stay present in it. The last … Continue reading for a while…
I spent a lot of time over the past few years looking for a new way to be professional. My nervous breakdown slash autism surprise slash ADHD diagnosis slash leaving the workforce slash trying to find myself as a human without inserting myself into toxic and unhealthy cultures came at an inconvenient time, frankly. The … Continue reading as I was saying…
I love The Clash. I've always loved The Clash. I was so young when I started listening to them that I don't actually remember the first time I heard them. They formed the year before I was born and because they were always just there I never thought of them as a band that started. … Continue reading here we here we here we go again…
Dear Cami Kaos, Congratulations, you've won an all-inclusive misery staycation aboard the cruise ship Med Change. We know that you have no choices when it comes to changing your medication, that said, we appreciate that you've chosen to sail with us on a medically supervised taper rather than jumping ship cold turkey into open water. … Continue reading welcome aboard…
I've never been able to satisfactorily explain this, but I don't like to be touched. Unless I do. And by never been able to satisfactorily explain it, I mean to anybody. Including myself. People sometimes think or feel in huge generalities. I niche down. The big space is too nebulous for me. There are maybe … Continue reading unless I do…
On the Venn diagram where multi-letter diagnoses, neurotype, and lived experience overlap, there’s this very specific little pocket of my brain that desperately wants to move the furniture. I don’t know what it is about it… Maybe it’s a bit like playing dollhouse. Except now I get to play dollhouse the way I want to. … Continue reading midnight musical chairs…
Yesterday I went to brunch and the ballet with two of my dearest. In the process I was around thousands of people. I watched them. I got to know everyone in my vicinity in my own quiet, introverted way. I named people. Formed attachments to humans who may not have even noticed I exist. I … Continue reading masking monday: showing up
I had a conversation today with the good friend of a good friend—one of those generous, strategic humans who actually knows things about hiring and was kind enough to let me pick his brain. Because, yes, I need a job. And while we’re all supposed to pretend that’s a casual thing you manifest through vibes … Continue reading My Nervous System Has Notes…
When I was growing up, I wanted to be a thousand different things depending on the day. Some of them made sense. Some of them were just hyperfixations in disguise. But through all the shifting interests and costume changes, a few constants stuck: I wanted to be my Aunt Sandy. I wanted to be Catwoman. … Continue reading I’m Writing an Advice Column. Ask Me Something Weird and Specific…
CamiKaos 