I'm sitting in a busy coffee shop on Thursday morning. I haven't been out and about much between chronic illness and introversion, and I've been kind of stuck in my head. I'm listening to cave water on my noise-cancelling headphones and watching my kid's kindergarten teacher chat with two more women who also give off … Continue reading of cave water and deviated septums…
Heads up: this is part of an ongoing series about my experience with GLP-1 medication. If that's a triggering topic, please feel free to skip. I'm not telling anyone what to do with their body. I just need to process this, and I figure someone out there is more scared than I am and could … Continue reading mutant notes 003: this tiny little dose…
It's 7:23 in the morning on Father's Day. I'm curled up in bed next to a sleeping father. Not my father. Not the father of my child. Also not just some dad. In a weird way he's sort of everyone's startup dad in Portland. But he's asleep so we'll move on. I didn't actually come … Continue reading labels matter…
I'm working for myself now. Which is not something I ever particularly wanted to do, if I'm honest. Before I go any further, let me be specific. Because my partner spends his days working with founders, and founders are entrepreneurs in the Merriam-Webster sense: entrepreneurial — having to do with the creation and development of … Continue reading I’m not the entrepreneurial sort…
Sunday night the insomnia ghosts came calling. You know the ones. Anxiety. Inspiration. Critical reflection. Hunger. The usual roster. Inspiration was loudest that night. Of course, the muse. I've been racking my brain for what to do with the discarded tarot card boxes. When I take a deck apart for a mix deck, the original … Continue reading of sauce packets and tarot boxes…
Last night, as my mind was grasping at straws for a reason to be awake, it started narrating the pain flaring in my lower back and hips. Turning it into words. Into poetry. Little visual metaphors born from the feeling of pain itself. My mind screamed about it long enough that I finally picked up … Continue reading poems lost between midnight and morning…
My circadian rhythm and I are no longer on speaking terms. 4:00 am-ish: My partner wakes up for no discernible reason and gets out of bed. I ask the time. Upon learning it’s 4 am, I roll over in an attempt to re-engage with sleep. 4:05 am-ish: From the bed, I request that he please … Continue reading upon a Wednesday morning…
There are times I do not want to be perceived. Whole stretches. Weeks when I am strictly available to my tiny family and no one else. I’ve always been like this: I withdraw, go hermit, disappear. In chat apps you can flip yourself to “away.” Your dot dims. People can still ping you, but the … Continue reading do not see me…
There’s this thing that happens when I’m playing Animal Crossing. I’m wandering around in my little pink dress and pink bear head, watering flowers, chopping down trees, and checking on my neighbors. Katt has a cold, so I take her some medicine. They’re all thrilled to see me. They gush, they sparkle, they tell me … Continue reading Masking Monday: Demented and Sad, but Social
Let’s talk about my face. Specifically, the one it makes when I’m not actively arranging it for the comfort of the general public. Apparently, that face says: “I’m mad.”“I’m tired.”“I’m annoyed.”“I’m such a bitch.” Here’s the thing: I’m not mad. I’m not tired. I’m not annoyed. (Okay, sometimes I’m annoyed, but usually at my email … Continue reading Masking Monday: The Face at Rest…
CamiKaos 