A retroactive translation The 8th of April, in this year of our discontent Dear Reader, Today I have begun to be weaned from my tonic by order of Dr. S—. The reduction is significant — by a third, she has said, "to keep the worst of it manageable." I had not known the tonic was … Continue reading letters from the rest cure…
It's 6:26 am on a Saturday. I'm currently stoned on a delicate balance of Bruce Banner, to give me the ability and energy to actually move this meat sack I'm living in, and Purple Punch, to dull all of the joint pain and muscle pain enough to let me stay present in it. The last … Continue reading for a while…
There's a lazy susan in my head where certain obsessions live. Some of them have been spinning on it my entire life, and every time one comes back around I've gathered more knowledge without really trying, more context, more capacity to actually do something with it. Somewhere between all that accumulated knowing and a lot … Continue reading susan works smart…
I remember the first time I ever saw a deck of tarot cards. I was a teenager standing in the back corner of Vacaville’s Lesbian Bookstore. Next to a case full of silver pendants with all sorts of mystic meanings, leather-bound journals that looked primed to receive and contain life-giving knowledge, and a rack of … Continue reading saving things…
I struggle to exist in space with other people. I understand what’s happening around me. The shape of the room. The dynamics. The unspoken tensions. I can observe a situation with almost clinical clarity. As long as I’m not part of it. The moment I factor into the equation, my grip loosens. It’s like I … Continue reading blending…
Earlier this week I stopped my partner mid-whatever-he-was-doing to talk. Despite comfortably shouting about all that’s wrong with me here on the internet, in my real life I don’t really like to talk about the hard stuff. Write? Absolutely. I will excavate my own rib cage in prose. But speak? Have a conversation… No thank … Continue reading on sitting in the shower…
When I was little, we used to visit my mom’s parents at a house on the coast of California that the family called The Brown House. It may surprise you to hear, but the entire exterior of the house was indeed brown. As the youngest in the family, and the most compact, it was my … Continue reading calamari…
I’m toward the end of an interview process for a role I wasn’t looking for, but that regardless of the outcome, I’m super glad I went for. It’s been the most transparent and thoughtful hiring process I’ve ever been a part of. But I am me, and even the most transparent and excellent hiring process … Continue reading progress and apologies…
On the Venn diagram where multi-letter diagnoses, neurotype, and lived experience overlap, there’s this very specific little pocket of my brain that desperately wants to move the furniture. I don’t know what it is about it… Maybe it’s a bit like playing dollhouse. Except now I get to play dollhouse the way I want to. … Continue reading midnight musical chairs…
Yesterday, as I was leaving the very same coffee shop I’m sitting in right now, I crossed the street in the middle of the block. There were cars coming, but they were slowed by traffic. I could have walked to the corner. I should have walked to the corner. I know that. And on any … Continue reading something I’d never do…
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