Dear Cami Kaos, Congratulations, you've won an all-inclusive misery staycation aboard the cruise ship Med Change. We know that you have no choices when it comes to changing your medication, that said, we appreciate that you've chosen to sail with us on a medically supervised taper rather than jumping ship cold turkey into open water. … Continue reading welcome aboard…
Fun fact: when the pollen grains per cubic meter reaches 50, it is considered high. It continues to just be high until it reaches 499. That's a lot of fucking pollen. Too much, some would say. Fucking trees are fucking. The pollen count is well into the two thousands today. Tomorrow it climbs into the … Continue reading the screaming trees…
I always thought part of my struggle as a human was that I'm not terribly malleable. Imagine my surprise when — after years of therapy — I had the realization that I've been too fucking malleable. Too willing to change and reshape myself. Repackage myself. Let my opinions be known… but not if they're hurtful. … Continue reading one star only…
There's a lazy susan in my head where certain obsessions live. Some of them have been spinning on it my entire life, and every time one comes back around I've gathered more knowledge without really trying, more context, more capacity to actually do something with it. Somewhere between all that accumulated knowing and a lot … Continue reading susan works smart…
I've been listening to Little Earthquakes on repeat for a few weeks now. The whole album. In order. Without the later bonus content that appeared with various reissues, like someone decided the perfect thing needed to be longer. This is unusual for me in two ways, and I was about to explain both of them … Continue reading 4:38am…
About a month ago, shortly before last Friday the 13th, I decided I should do something intentionally nice for myself every single day. I didn't think it would be easy but I genuinely didn't think it would be hard. Some days were easy. I ordered a coffee mug from a ceramic artist who I know from … Continue reading friday the thirteenths, part two of three…
I've never been able to satisfactorily explain this, but I don't like to be touched. Unless I do. And by never been able to satisfactorily explain it, I mean to anybody. Including myself. People sometimes think or feel in huge generalities. I niche down. The big space is too nebulous for me. There are maybe … Continue reading unless I do…
I struggle to exist in space with other people. I understand what’s happening around me. The shape of the room. The dynamics. The unspoken tensions. I can observe a situation with almost clinical clarity. As long as I’m not part of it. The moment I factor into the equation, my grip loosens. It’s like I … Continue reading blending…
Earlier this week I stopped my partner mid-whatever-he-was-doing to talk. Despite comfortably shouting about all that’s wrong with me here on the internet, in my real life I don’t really like to talk about the hard stuff. Write? Absolutely. I will excavate my own rib cage in prose. But speak? Have a conversation… No thank … Continue reading on sitting in the shower…
I like dates. I mean… I also like going on dates, but only if it’s not with a person I don’t know. I like dates with people I already know and love. Dates where I’m expected to convince someone to like me — or be convinced to like them — are actually pretty horrible. Doesn’t … Continue reading friday the thirteenths…
CamiKaos 