Sunday night the insomnia ghosts came calling. You know the ones. Anxiety. Inspiration. Critical reflection. Hunger. The usual roster. Inspiration was loudest that night. Of course, the muse. I've been racking my brain for what to do with the discarded tarot card boxes. When I take a deck apart for a mix deck, the original … Continue reading of sauce packets and tarot boxes…
A retroactive translation The 8th of April, in this year of our discontent Dear Reader, Today I have begun to be weaned from my tonic by order of Dr. S—. The reduction is significant — by a third, she has said, "to keep the worst of it manageable." I had not known the tonic was … Continue reading letters from the rest cure…
It's 6:26 am on a Saturday. I'm currently stoned on a delicate balance of Bruce Banner, to give me the ability and energy to actually move this meat sack I'm living in, and Purple Punch, to dull all of the joint pain and muscle pain enough to let me stay present in it. The last … Continue reading for a while…
I spent a lot of time over the past few years looking for a new way to be professional. My nervous breakdown slash autism surprise slash ADHD diagnosis slash leaving the workforce slash trying to find myself as a human without inserting myself into toxic and unhealthy cultures came at an inconvenient time, frankly. The … Continue reading as I was saying…
As I was coming in the back door just now I made eye contact with my own reflection. It was a slightly mad sight to behold. My face pale and tired punctuated with my huge dark tortoiseshell glasses with unexpected pops of color in them, the lenses mid tint as I returned from taking the … Continue reading a slightly mad sight to behold…
I love The Clash. I've always loved The Clash. I was so young when I started listening to them that I don't actually remember the first time I heard them. They formed the year before I was born and because they were always just there I never thought of them as a band that started. … Continue reading here we here we here we go again…
Dear Cami Kaos, Congratulations, you've won an all-inclusive misery staycation aboard the cruise ship Med Change. We know that you have no choices when it comes to changing your medication, that said, we appreciate that you've chosen to sail with us on a medically supervised taper rather than jumping ship cold turkey into open water. … Continue reading welcome aboard…
Fun fact: when the pollen grains per cubic meter reaches 50, it is considered high. It continues to just be high until it reaches 499. That's a lot of fucking pollen. Too much, some would say. Fucking trees are fucking. The pollen count is well into the two thousands today. Tomorrow it climbs into the … Continue reading the screaming trees…
I always thought part of my struggle as a human was that I'm not terribly malleable. Imagine my surprise when — after years of therapy — I had the realization that I've been too fucking malleable. Too willing to change and reshape myself. Repackage myself. Let my opinions be known… but not if they're hurtful. … Continue reading one star only…
There's a lazy susan in my head where certain obsessions live. Some of them have been spinning on it my entire life, and every time one comes back around I've gathered more knowledge without really trying, more context, more capacity to actually do something with it. Somewhere between all that accumulated knowing and a lot … Continue reading susan works smart…
CamiKaos 