bittersweet

This Friday has special significance in the lives of many…

It’s my daughter’s birthday.

It’s the first day of spring.

It’s the anniversary of this country’s invasion of Iraq.

I don’t need a calendar to tell me any of that.  I remember the day she was born thinking that she was going to arrive on the first day of Spring.  The equinox.  Equal parts light and dark.  It seemed fitting then.  It seems even more fitting now.  If you know my girl you know there is so much more to her than meets the eye.  The day of her birth was a day of great joy to us.  It was March 20th 2002 and I’d been in the hospital for several days already waiting…  I couldn’t leave the hospital until I gave birth and she was hesitant to make her debut in this world before the time was right.  I remember thinking it was the perfect day.

The next 12 months she brought no end of joy and confusion to us.  Learning to live with that tiny being was amazing and wondrous, difficult and strange…  but we wouldn’t have had it any other way.

When we finally reached the day… one year later.  Her 1st birthday…  I remember sitting in the living room, her in her high chair and we were celebrating her birthday quietly… just the three of us.  We were throwing her a party that weekend but for that day it was just us.  She sat playing happily as we brought her a little dish of sherbet with a candle in it and in the background the news was playing.  The news the news the news.  It was on every channel.  All day.  We invaded Iraq.

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Every year as we lead up to her birthday I remember this.  Every year I cry as I’m reminded of it.

I want to celebrate on Friday.  I want to be joyous and concentrate all my love on K.  It’s her day.  A celebration of her and her life thus far and I don’t want to cry that day unless the tears are those of love, so I thought maybe if I told you how I was feeling, if I mentioned this now…  If I got it out of my system…

I’m hoping that we can keep the equal parts light and dark to the rise and set of the sun and I can let K have all the light we can find.

I’m looking forward.

9 thoughts on “bittersweet

  1. Robin says:

    Happy Birthday Beautiful Girl-your mother is very beautiful with a great heart ~ you’re gonna have a great life! Her posts tell me so ;)

  2. hotmamamia says:

    Cami–
    Let it go…there will be many, MANY March 20s and you want the brillliance of the birth of your child to be the shining star on those days…you, personally, had nothing to do with the invasion…it is an ugly time in our history and like other ugly times, let it go into the history books. March 20 is the blessed day of ‘K’s’ birth and all of your energy and joy should go there… Happy Birthday ‘K’!

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