It’s taken me a week or so to come to terms with this. To mention it. To anyone except my kid that is. Why? because I don’t like to talk about fecal matter. Really, who does? But this is a real world. And as the saying goes, shit happens. This is the story of one such shit happening.

We have two cats, two indoor only cats. Two pampered sissy boy much beloved cats. We share our bathroom with them. Now I’m not one of those crazy cat ladies who trains her cats to use the toilet. They wouldn’t go for that. As far as they’re concerned the toilet water is for drinking.

But I am one of those crazy cat ladies who puts the litter box in the bathroom. Because really, where else makes sense? It’s where the people go… why not have the cats use it too.

So the other day upon entering the bathroom my kid loudly, disgustedly, in a completely freaked out manner relayed to me that there was one little nugget of cat shit in the tub. A tub turd, if you will.

Commence kid freak out. And rightfully so because that shit is gross and it doesn’t belong in the shower. I’m a mom though so I was still annoyed. As hell. With EVERYONE. Kid. Cats. The Dalai Lama. Santa. Everyone. Because there was a piece of cat shit. In my shower.

I grabbed a plastic bag, some paper towels, and some cleaner. I disposed of the item in question in the plastic bag and then sprayed the shower where I assumed the cat, who the fuck knows which one, had shat. Once I cleaned the spot in question I stood up and realized there was a bit of a smudge on the side of the tub. and another a few inches higher. And another a few inches above that. Dotting the shower wall about every 6-8 inches up until  it was over my 5’3.5″ height.

I stopped. I stared. I shook my head in disbelief.  I tilted my head to the left. I tilted my head to the right. I was no better able to understand how a piece of cat shit hit the shower wall more than 5 feet off the ground after 5 minutes of contemplation than I was after 5 seconds of contemplation. I stood back by the litter box. I examined the the angle from the door of the littler box to the shower wall.

And then I cleaned that shower wall like I’ve never cleaned before.

And the best I can determine? One of my cats is packing a shit cannon up his ass.

Do you have a simpler explanation?