You know those days where nothing particularly special happens but things are just good? When your life has been so full of ups, downs, and things to do that a simple morning with simple pleasures is just the thing to set you straight? To make you smile? To allow you to realize that you’re you, good times, bad times, times in between be damned? You’re you.
In this case it’s me. I’m me.
And I’ve put in a lot of hard work to be the me I want to be. For myself. For my kid. For my loved ones. For the world.
To be strong and healthy. To be cognizant and in control. To be a better me.
I haven’t given the work much thought. I’ve let the thinking part slide. I’m reminded suddenly of when I quit smoking years and years and years ago. I said no. I walked away. I quit.
I can do that.
Just a few minutes ago as I was giving myself some downtime watching a favorite show I decided I wanted a snack. Something salty. Something good. So I wandered into the kitchen and shopped my cabinets looking for something that would be… right. I skipped past the delicious treats I stock for my kid and picked up a jar of almonds, taking a small handful. It seemed like the right snack. The natural choice. Then I turned around and caught my reflection in the microwave oven.
Well, not so much MY reflection as a reflection of my ass and thighs.
I stopped to stare. I hemmed. I hawed. Then I gave myself credit.
When I changed my diet at the end of last year it wasn’t because I was exhausted all the time. It wasn’t because I felt sluggish and sad. It wasn’t because I had headaches and fatigue. It wasn’t because of my high blood pressure.
It was because I was feeling pudgy. And I did not fucking like that.
So there I stood in my kitchen in a white tank top and fuchsia boy shorts staring at my ass in the reflection in the microwave, eating a small handful of almonds. And I felt vain.
And I’m good with it.