I was just in one of my happy places. The shower. Taking a long hot shower. Thinking deep showery thoughts while the water pressed against my skin and the heat and steam threatened to steal my breath so I could relax. And as I am a girl and not a hippie and in the shower I was shaving. I washed my hair and conditioned it first so the conditioner would have time to seep in and do its stuff while I sat on the floor of the tub carefully shaving my legs and contemplating things like what kind of pizza I might like or what color toe nail polish I should use. You know. Important life altering things. My leg shaving complete (I’m a whopping 5’3″ tall… it doesn’t take long) I stood up to rinse and shave my arm pits.
Now I don’t like talking about my arm pits. There is nothing sexy or cute about them to me. They are this weird place underneath where my arms meet my torso and they grow hair. I like a lot of stuff around them. My shoulders are nice. My tits. My ribs. My back. All fine and good. They’re kind of in the middle of a bunch of stuff that can be quite attractive yet there they are being weird and growing hair and getting sweaty. So I do what I can for them and give them a shave every day or so and my pits and I, we get along okay. They’re a little ticklish and what not but I figure that’s their revenge for my thinking they’re weird.
Well today they exacted a bit more revenge. As my right arm was reaching up toward the heavens and I glided the razor along the tightened skin of my underarm with my left hand I was glancing over watching the water whisk away when I noticed a clump of straight gloriously black 2 inch hair wash down my body.
The only place i have straight gloriously black hair of any length at all is on my head. You know. The hair that I want to keep and maintain that I had just carefully conditioned to make it shiny and soft?
I shaved two inches off the end of it because it, while flowing down my back, had wrapped around my shoulder and under my arm just back where I couldn’t see it and jumped right into my razor.
Do I need a fucking ponytail in the shower?