hate…

Sometimes I’m just too mad to write.  Anger is one of the few emotions that it is truly difficult for me to write through and until recently I’ve never really been able to figure out why.

I’ve realized it isn’t the anger that holds my tongue.  It isn’t the rage that stills my words and keeps the thoughts from flowing so freely upon the page or screen.

It’s doubt.

Inside all of us is a seed of doubt, like a membrane stretched over everything and to continue you on we need to break it.  I never seem to fully do that.  I press my palms against the surface and watch the tension.  I poke at it and feel the pressure.  I work through it and feel it wrap around me.  Sometimes I find an air hole and manage to forge ahead but there is usually something at the back of my mind questioning.

And once I turn to look the other way.  To see what it is that has me wondering, worrying, doubting…  I realize that doubt has me sealed up tight inside an envelope of uncertainty…

To move forward I have to break through, to go back the same.   I hate that too often doubt has made me complacent as I waited to see what would bend.

***

Writing prompts for 30 Days of Truth:

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

4 thoughts on “hate…

  1. Silver Creek says:

    Beautiful. I agree with Sybil. Fear rules. Fear of the unknown PLUS fear of peer reaction. Burst that fucking ceiling of fear, and fly your fearless art in the skies of freedom.

  2. Silver Creek says:

    Sorry. Portland from my perspective supports this freaky little bubble of “peer group approval fear”. Odd. Like a whole group of scared anxious people landed in Portland, and somehow had the ability to find one another, then intimidate others out of their fear, and just make more fear.

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