never enough, or how to make me feel completely inadequate

There’s something that K really really really really really really wants.  Wants more than anything, ever.  She’s pretty sure that her entire life will be incomplete without it.

She’s said so.

“Mom!!!  If I don’t have one then I will grow up all alone and I will have NO ONE.”

That really is a quote.  I didn’t make it up.  She has said that so many times I can’t even begin to count.  I could make up a ridiculously high number like 17 million times, but she is so serious about it, it means so much to her… so I won’t do that.

Now you should know that I’m not one of those parents that never says no.  I say no a lot.  I say no everyday.  I say no soooo often that I’ve created all new ways to say no just for the fun of it.

No is my friend.  I listened to Nancy Reagan on that whole “Just Say No” thing.  I really took it to heart.

No.  Nein.  Ne. Nej.  Nee.  Ei.  Nul.  Non.  Nem.  Tidak.  Le.  Nei.  Nu.  He.  Hayir.  Nope.  Not gonna happen.  No way.

I like No.

Sometimes I say no just for the fun of it…  But this one thing she’s asking for.  This one thing she wants so desperately… I hate saying no.  All the reasons she gives for wanting it are sound and just.  It isn’t fair that she can’t have it.  It’s beautiful that she wants it.  It breaks my heart to pieces to hear no come out of my mouth.

It isn’t ice cream or a pony.  It’s not a mohawk or a naval piercing.  It’s not another trip to Di$neyland (though I hate saying no to that too).  It’s not a new car or a swimming pool.  She’s not asking to wear lipstick or high heels.

K wants a little brother or sister.  That’s something that, without outside resources, I can’t give her.

*sigh*

I wonder if she’d settle for a robot.

14 thoughts on “never enough, or how to make me feel completely inadequate

  1. Lauren A says:

    OOOOOH, BabyKaos! It’s not that bad having two….
    Wait, am I supposed to talk you OUT OF IT, or INTO IT?
    I’m a doula, so I say GO FOR IT!

  2. Erk @ Channel Erk says:

    Oh Cami, that is both cute and sad and a little heart breaking all at the same time. But I did have a chuckle imagining you saying no in all those different ways, too.

    Speaking as an only child (for reasons that I may have mentioned when I was in town), I sometimes wonder what things would have been like if things were different. Sometimes I think about all the brother/sister things that could have happened but then I am grateful for what I have in my life at the moment and I wouldn’t change that.

    Most people seem to think that only children love being only children – some do, some don’t.

    While Plan A might not be an option, there is always Plan B, C & D (at least). And I am sure you have probably thought about that as well.

  3. Sybil Law says:

    Mine also wants the little brother or sister. Sometimes. Other times, she’s fine without.
    Either way, she ain’t gettin’ one!

  4. angel says:

    Oooh… no pressure then eh?
    The knucklehead never asked. I wondered about that once or twice, but I think its an ADHDer thing, that they are inherrantly selfish when it comes to their mommies and don’t even think about siblings.
    :D
    And now he’s 18 I’m actually TRYING to get knocked up again!

  5. 123Val says:

    How do you explain that to a smart little girl? This is why I am not a parent. Well, that and I’ve repeatedly said “no” to a first little kiddo (thank you Trojan!).

    Glad you’re back after a week’s respite, CamiK.

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