the contest, delicately

I’m searching for a way to put this delicately… to find the nicest possible way to tell you what you all need to try to do…

and frankly… there is no way to put it nicely so here goes.

Men and women all over name their parts, their junk, their stuff.

Mr. Kaos and I are not junk namers…

So he’s gone through life without calling his dick by an given name. Nothing cutesy. Nothing specific…

I’m not a genitalia namer. not a parts namer. It’s not in me. I’ve never named a man’s… nuts and bolt… bits… what have you.

It’s not my thing.

I’ve never named any of my parts either.

Mr. Kaos though… about a month ago… he inadvertently named my breasts.


I’d made it 30 years of my life without that occurring but here I am with tits with names.

And Mr. Kaos?

His junk is still nameless… and that is where you, good, charming, faithful readers come in.

Name it won’t you? Name the man parts of Mr. Kaos. You can name one piece or name them all… I’m waiting.

Oh, I forgot to tell you all the prize didn’t I?

On Saturday we went on a little shopping trip to Home Ec, my go to shop for Tiki Mugs here in Portland, to buy a prize for Jo, a gift for Holls and then looked and looked for something suitable for the winner of this contest…

A Tiki Mug suitable to award to such a person as would undertake the naming of my man’s junk…

We realized though that the contest winner would be able to choose their own mug much more accurately than we could…. so to the winner of the name my husband’s junk contest goes a tiki mug of their choice from the Tiki Farm

You know you want it.


The deadline for entries into the name my man’s junk contest is Monday February 24th. All entries will be considered and laughed at uproariously. The winner will most likely be chosen by me… I may let Mr. Kaos help since it is technically his dick we’re talking about. In the event that it’s a close call we’ll put it up to all of you for a vote…

You can enter in the comments for this post or email me at mommifiedme at gmail dot come with the subject line “name the junk contest”

For my overseas entrants: Shipping out of the continental United States from Tiki Farm is sometimes an issue, so if one of you wins I will likely purchase your mug from Home Ec. and ship it myself so you may have less in the way of options… but I do promise it will be super fab.

xoxo – CamiKaos

31 thoughts on “the contest, delicately

  1. holly says:

    OH.MY.GOD.lMAO! this is what i have to do to win a tiki mug? seriously, i start my new job in less than two hours, and now i’m going to be thinking about names for mr. kaos’ junk?!?!?!GOD i hope i don’t have to answer any questions today. okay. you got it. FIRSTLY, you didn’t give us any helpful details *about* the junk. does it perform well and is it reliably – um, up to the job? does it have a personality? i suppose you won’t even give us pictures. SECONDLY, what the hell did he name your breasts? oh, and i haven’t even named my husband’s! wifey!!!!

  2. stephanie says:

    Since we’re kind of like neighbors, my man is cool with sharing his pet name with your man: Mr. Happy. It has such a distinguished ring, using the “Mister,” yet it’s whimsical – just like the appendage, no?Or, suggestion #2 if sharing a name seems too weird, you could go old school with “Ralph” from Judy Blume’s Forever.Again, I’m a tad scandalized yet intrigued with your discussion topic. Good times.

  3. Dan says:

    I’m going to go for…MEGATRONbecause if you are going to have a dick named after a transformer, you might as well go with a flattering one.Of course you always have the option of not naming your dick after a transformer, but quite frankly i don’t see the point.

  4. Bubblewench says:

    Too freakin hysterical. I doubt I will come up with a decent name, I’m lame that way, I’ll try, but in the meantime can I still have the tiki mugs? You know the ones I mean.. from 2006.

  5. Groovy Mom says:

    Awesome prize! But even so, I can’t. No, I can’t. Every fiber of my being is warning me that I must not name another woman’s man’s junk, ya know? LOL!

  6. mielikki says:

    um, I am going to refrain from this contest, because Mr. Kaos is family. I’d never be able to look him in the eye after naming his junk.

  7. Lilacspecs says:

    The first thing that came to mind was what CB calls the fat that is my tummy: Flappy. But your hubby’s wenis canNOT have the same name as my flab, so then I thought that Roland had a good sound to it.He was a gunslinger, y’know, draw from the hip, bang away, shoot your wad.Or for those chilly days there is always Childe Roland from the poem…I could go on but I think I spent enough time thinking about Mr. Kaos’s naughty bits.But yeah, I say Roland.CB says Mr. Jingles

  8. missburrows says:

    How about…NOT JUNKBut it is, but it’s not…but it really isn’t. Hmmm…Perhaps, on Wednesday I will become inspired.

  9. CamiKaos says:

    missb: I’ll let see my iPhone but I have to draw the line somewhere ;)Mr. Fab: interestingAngel: No food items in my man’s pants ;)Lilac: Roland is so dignified… Mr. Jingles is not… tells me a lot about you and CB. heheeTravis: fascinating.Doug: I hate it when that happens, thanks for commenting again.Mie: I think that’s best for all of us… groovymom: oddly, I really do understanddad: I warned you fall into the Mie and Dad category…. best to recuse yourself… answer my email about the other things.dan: i like your style.stephanie: I always seem to be scandalizing you… that’s so cute.Holly: LMFAO. ROFL. Last night right before I went to sleep Mr. Kaos say your comment and told me I needed to read it… so the last thing I did before I fell asleep… was to read your comment… might explain the really odd dreams I had.In answer to your questions… Um… yes yes yes and no… but I bet Mr. Kaos would… he’s so not shy about it.Secondly… hahaha. I’ll tell you later.thirdly… neither have I.

  10. holly says:

    okay : i thought of you in the car. which is to say i thought of your husband’s penis in the car. is that alright? 1) the pleasure wand 20002) the stick OF LOVE3) steve4) pokey mcpokesalotdamn there was another one that was the best and i now can’t bloody remember! damn! i’ll. be. back. there’s more than one entry per household, yeah?

  11. Stu says:

    Even though me and Mr Happy have been mentioned I think Holly’s “Pokey McPokesalot” is classic.’Twig and Berries’ is always funny though.-Stu

  12. sybil law says:

    Um, this really is sort of skeevish. He gets sorta bent outta shape of it isn’t something MANLY or MONSTROUS, right? Hahaha

  13. Amy says:

    Pumping pole of penile powerThrill DrillHarry and the HendersonsPurple pillar of pulsating powerThor the Muff MarauderThe Taco TorpedoAlby the albino cave dwellerThe Zipper RipperDK (Dick King)Excalibur…although specifically for Mr. Kaos (via the penis name generator his unique penis names was:Humphrey the Enthusiastic Weapon of Mass Destruction

  14. denise says:

    I had a boyfriend in high school who named his “the big pink tower of power” but he was ambitious he was neither towering or big, in that area anyway.I just think twig and berries is hilarious.mine just calls it his penis, but he says it so dirty that is might as well be a name.

  15. Jo Beaufoix says:

    I am rolling on the floor laughing my ass off.That is so funny I used real words instead of just abbreviations, that’s how funny it it.And I’m late, bad Jo, but good, cos I got to read all the entrants and laugh more.I particularly like Pokey Mcpokesalot from Holl, and twig and Berries, and Dan;s Megatron commment was funny.Hmmmmmm.How about, Tiki dikkiAlvin and the ChipmonksBob the knobElvisDaveOr The…, no, that’s bad. I just thought of something, and nearly wrote it, then realised there was an a really rude way to interpret it. Even ruder than it just being a name for a penis.God I am so glad I didn’t write that. It was really icky.Shivers.Must go now, before I am traumatised.

  16. CamiKaos says:

    Jo, One of yours… I really like it… I’m not saying which.Denise: Wow, the Big Pink Tower of Power… oddly Tower of Power is one of Mr Kaos’ favorite groups.BW: no problemHolly: Don’t worry darling, cheaters never prosper over here… or rarely.Amy: I do like one of yours… but not the cheaty one… though since you told us where you got it… now that I think of it maybe that’s not cheating… I think Holly is just a little… sensitive… about your deceit.Flutter: OOOooooohhhhhhh…..Sybil: But it is manly… and while I wouldn’t use the word monstrous because that implies some kind of deformity… it would say it deserves a name of size and integrity.Stu: noted.Holly: my next door neighbor’s name is steve… plus whenever I hear the name steve I always think of the sentence “No, it wasn’t me, I was on the moon with Steve”

  17. Kami says:

    Harkening back to my pod cast with you and Mr. K, and the phallic-ness of the mircophone …I think Mick.Or… his Bag of tricks?the GoodsBlow torchEdmundKing KamehamehaMr. Schnüffler (german for dick)Mr. Schlauberger (german for clever dick, because one wants one’s dick to be clever doesn’t one?)

  18. daryl e says:

    How glad am I that I scrolled down .. VERY… My suggested name for Mr. Kaos’ private parts are as follow:KaosKontrol Kome on admit it, its Klever!

  19. holly says:

    i really like king kamehameha, by kami. but it’s too long. my final submission is : the chubb. because it is a fire extiguisher. it puts out your fire, and also implies girth. :)

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