I have a mere moment to jot down some thoughts so I’m taking it to let all of you know that I won’t be here tomorrow. I will be many places, seemingly trivial places, but places that tomorrow will be so important to my darling little monster, K.
Tomorrow is a day we’ve been ramping up to for about a month now. There has been mention of it everyday as she prepares excitedly for it. There have been tasks to finish. Tears have been shed. Screaming has filled my ears and hers and probably those of the entire neighborhood. There have been much needed hugs and kisses. Much appreciated smiles and laughter and tomorrow…
Tomorrow is the culmination of all the crazy we’ve been hording for weeks.
Tomorrow K graduates from preschool.
If you have never had a 5 year old girl that may seem insignificant, minuscule, unnecessary. I’ll tell you the truth, 2 years ago I would have agreed. But not now. And maybe, maybe it is just my crazy melodramatic little one that takes these small steps as great mountains but whatever the case this is huge, for her.
2 years ago K wouldn’t even let me leave the room without her. I’m really not exaggerating.
Have you ever taken a shit with a child wrapped around your leg? Because I have.
When K started school 1 year and 8 months ago we encountered a miracle. I took her to school the first day, she fussed, she told me not to leave, I kissed her goodbye and handed my little one over to her saint of a teacher and I walked out the door. I heard children crying as I left, but none of those cries belonged to K. She let go for the very first time that day.
Nearly every day since she has gone to school happily, eagerly, excitedly. Every day she would go to find her beloved teacher Mrs. J. She never wavered in her love, her resolve, her commitment to my daughter and each and every child in her class. She was a miracle for a family that scarcely believes in anything.
So just as K let go that day 1 year and 8 months ago when she let me walk out that door and leave her in the capable hands of Mrs. J and her assistant the amazing Mrs. K, my little girl will have to let go again. She’s leaving her preschool, the only home away from home she has ever had and saying goodbye to Mrs. J who has been like a grandmother to her.
It’s been a tough week. Not just for her either. I’m tearing up right now just thinking about tomorrow. Tomorrow when they will play Pomp & Circumstance and the tiny graduates will march in with their caps and gowns proud and hopefully ready to face the world (or at least summer and kindergarten).
You may understand now why we’ve had a renewed round of weekly tantrums and daily crying jags. Why Mr. Kaos has taken the week off work to spend time with us. Why we’ve planned a special family outing every day this week.
K needs our support. And we need hers.
So tomorrow I will not be here with any of you. I will be everywhere else with the family Kaos, watching my little girl let go again, and hoping I can do the same.
Much love to you and yours,