election day blues…

Occasionally I am capable of committing great acts of idiocy. That is not to say that I’m an idiot because clearly, I’m not (despite what that jury in Connecticut said). So in my swirl of crazy life right now the act of idiocy is that I’m not doing anything to make my job any easier.

I could go into a long diatribe about how K is graduating from preschool in a few weeks and how I just keep on volunteering to help with this and that and do this thing and the other and that I really have no time because I am remodeling the bathroom and already have the other things I do for K’s school, not to mention the raising of the child and the husband, the occasional cleaning of things, the cooking of the food stuffs, the sex, drugs and rock & roll I engage in… I’m busy.

But we’ll add to that. Today is election day. ELECTION DAY! You know, to elect me as Vice President of the neighborhood. This morning while chatting with a few of the neighborhood residents I made it very clear that I don’t want the job. If that weren’t enough I went on to say that if elected I promise to delegate every duty I am given until I can lean back in my chair and laugh maniacally as my underlings buzz around like little worker bees. They said that would get me elected for sure. FOR SURE?? Were they joking? NO. They may have thought I was.

I’m not.

It reminds me of the days when I was a barista in an Internet cafe. I was rude and surly, snarked at the customers, called them names and made them do my bidding. Occasionally I would throw them a bone and giggle or jump up and down in a tight shirt shaking up the whip cream canister. For some reason the meaner I was, the more I bossed and snapped at them the more they tipped me. Will my constituents feel the same? Maybe I should have been a dominatrix instead of a housewife. Maybe I should be a dominatrix and a housewife. Wait, no, I’m too busy already without the additional bossing and buckling on of leather and the spanking, and those high heels really do a number on you by the end of the day.

So today in the midst of preschool anarchy, remodeling insanity and the crazy election I should mention the one thing I have really been looking forward to. My grandma who we call GG and my favorite uncle (wine making, drink drinking, jazz playing uncle B) are heading up to Canada (eh) to see my baby cousin graduate from art school (L I am so proud. The film is awesome). I love my GG. I love my crazy uncle B. What is between Cali and Canada? PORTLAND! What’s in Portland? ME! Well me, Mr Kaos, my brother and his girlfriend and probably most importantly K, because she is still cute and runs around like a hyper puppy when she hears GG is coming because SHE LOVES her.

Wait, what is the conflict here? Hooray my GG is in town!!! Oh, no, she isn’t coming up to see me. She’s staying the night in Portland and then heading up to Canada (eh) tomorrow. One night only engagement. So I get to have dinner with her, that’s really nice. But the election is tonight.

“Do I have to be there” I asked Reid. I think he said yes, I was only half paying attention. “Well if I don’t show up they just won’t elect me right?” He said they might just elect me anyway. “So why do I need to be there?” Because I should. But wait. I told GG and uncle B we would have dinner. CURSE YOU GARCIA!!! Oh wait no, this isn’t about my tile. Curse you…. Reid? Yes, I will blame him for telling me the next meeting isn’t until the 16th. CURSE YOU REID!!!

I’m trying to work it all out, but this is where it falls. I have never lied to my GG (my parents sure) and I so rarely see her that if the only time she is available is during the election I’m going to be hanging with GG and uncle B drinking martinis and enjoying the company of my family. I made this commitment to her before I made a commitment to the people of my neighborhood. There may be more of them, and they may need me, but they aren’t my GG.

(eh)

14 thoughts on “election day blues…

  1. mielikki says:

    GG is really looking forward to seeing you, I know, because I talked to her recently and she said so. . . and Uncle B is just way too much fun to miss… screw the election, because they have already decided to elect you!

  2. Daveman says:

    Just when I thought I was the last crazy (but brilliant) person on the planet, I come across kindred. Come, let us find and free our people.., or .., at least roll them in the park for their money…

  3. julie says:

    Yeah, screw the election. Just pass out some “Pick Flick” cupcakes (or not), then go to dinner with your fam!

  4. CamiKaos says:

    Julie: What on earth is a “Pick Flick” cupcake???? I was thinking of writing a letter to send to the meeting with Reid, maybe I will get cupcakes and send a letter… or maybe I should ignore them like I used to do eith all the boys that liked me…

  5. sybil law says:

    Ignore the stupid meeting and go out! If they’re gonna elect you, anyway, then who cares?And the same happened with me and customers when I bartended. The meaner you are, the more they love you. Idiots. They thought we were being coy! Hahahahahahahahahaha

  6. CamiKaos says:

    I love you Syb. Yes I decided that I am just hanging with GG and the fam tonight. They still aren’t in town though so I am waiting to hear from them. If I don’t hear from them by 7:15 I’ll pop into the meeting. I did write them this lovely letter thoughDear future underlings,I will not grace you with my presence tonight… I think I will have my hair washed instead.Do not vote for me, I will make you do all the work while I take the credit for the finest Vice Presidency that has ever been.All my bitterness xoxoCamiKaos(no I didn’t, why didn’t I?)

  7. Mel says:

    Damn, dude, I wish you had. That would have been FUNNY!(And were you as pleased by the Apocalyptic hailstorm today as I was?)

  8. Velma says:

    “Pick Flick?” From “Election,” with Reese Witherspoon? Brilliant movie.I sure do hope you are out having a drink right now with your relatives!

  9. CamiKaos says:

    Velma: I was on my way out the door to meet my GG and Uncle B when I saw your message. My whole family drinks martinis… it was a martini party… My grandma drinks vodka martinis while the rest of us prefer gin. I would wonder why but my late grandpa was a gin man. We had a great time and the good news is? Apparently several people showed up at the meeting willing to be VP so Reid decided not to run me… I haven’t heard for sure but… I DON’T THINK I AM VP. WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!! I sound a little too excited; it’s the combo of happy+family+martinis. Oh, and I haven’t seen that movie but I’ll put it on my Netflix list tonight.Mel: OMG!! further more WTF?? I was on my way to pick up K from school when the first of the 2 freak hailstorms hit. I was amazed. What about that thunder? My cats actually tried to hide under the bed it was so loud! Have to love Portland in the Spring

  10. Oh, The Joys says:

    My friend just finished a two year term as president of our neighborhood and she was soooooo tired.

  11. julie says:

    See? Velma knows what’s what. “Election” is one of my favorite movies ever. I think I even referenced it once in my own blog.

  12. Bubblewench says:

    RING RING BW: HelloCK: OMG! Help. My internet access it totally down and I can’t get online to do anything! BW: (laughing) That sucks for you!CK: Can you go to my blog and post a comment so people know that I am just down for a bit?BW: of course!So here’s the comment. It’s 2:30pm PST – it’s a 1/2 hour late becuase I was locked out of the house. CK will be back soon.

  13. sybil law says:

    YAY for not being VP! Me loves me some mommy Kaos! But DAMN that letter would have been perfect. Here’s the best part: when the crazy woman becomes VP, you can blame her for anything the neighborhood doesn’t like. You can have an old fashioned lynching, with fire and pitchforks! Hahahahah – yes – I AM evil.

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