I bought a mop. I needed a mop. I went to the store for a mop and I bought one. And some hair dye, it was on the list too. A mop and hair dye because a girl has to have her priorities.
I’ve been hiding in a little box for over a year, tucked away from the outside world focusing on doing very few things, but doing them well. Getting my head together. Deciding what to do. Figuring shit out.
Do you know what I learned during all that quiet box dwelling figuring time? I mean aside from that I needed a mop and some hair dye (and peanut butter, duh). That I need to climb out of my quiet little hidey-hole and get with the program. I need to do some doing while I’m figuring out what to do. Big life changes, even when you are the one who instigated them, touch your entire life.
No shit, Sherlock. I know.
So what do I do? What am I doing? What the hell is going on with me? How am I going to pull this shit off? When is it all getting underway? Why am I asking these questions so loudly?
…did you read those loudly? because they are so loud in my head. echoing…
Because I’m trying to figure out who I want to be when I grow up. I’m looking for work after 10 years of being a stay at home parent and I don’t know what it is that I do. I know what I used to do. I know who I was then.
10 years ago. Then it was black and white. But then it was just me.
I’d like to make it as simple as that list I made for the store yesterday.
mop
hair dye
peanut butter
cottage cheese
bagels
tomato juice
To be able to walk out into the world knowing what I need and how to get it. It isn’t. It won’t be. I’m doing it anyway.
Any advice?
CamiKaos 
Therapy, totally. I’m becoming an evangelist. And also: I have the same echoing thoughts.
Keep doing what you can to stay happy. Everything else falls into place as long as you don’t compromise on your own happiness. It took me a long long time to figure that out.
Also just think that 10 years ago was just a hop skip and a jump from buying cigarettes from me ;)
Chris: That was like 15 years ago, yeah. And happiness is being defeated by needing to find work. Fulfilling work.
I always remember two things when it comes to work. The first my high school teacher told me when I was fretting about not having a job. She said, “There’s always work.” The second a writer friend told me when I was having a crap day: “Just do your work.”
Two mantras to live by, in my opinion.
I spent a summer sitting on a lounger in my backyard with a four-pack of coolers next to me and a notepad on my lap. I jotted stuff down. Random thoughts, things I liked, things I didn’t like. Tried to figure out what *I* wanted to be when I grew up. It was easier than I thought… allowing myself the freedom to consider ANYTHING was quite empowering. Turns out I don’t want to be a ballerina after all, but it was nice to put it on the list, see how it looked, feel how it felt. Then cross it out. I am a very visual person, so the list helped once it was in black and white.
The coolers didn’t hurt, either. They were Bartles & James. I loved them because I loved their commercial… “So if you’re tired of having your ice plain, try it with Bartles & James…” See? Random thoughts.
Work is what you make of it. Go find a job and own it. Be the best employee ever. Do more than what’s asked of you. Then once you are up to speed…do even more. Be the person that does every job and knows how everything works. Make yourself irreplaceable. Irreplaceable people are rewarded and are generally happy. If you are not happy there then move on. Point is that you will win in the working world if you work hard enough.
Otherwise … it is all just work.
No advice from me. Just well wishes.
Now is when I wish I had millions, because I’d hire you to be my drink mixer or something. Maybe just my “I need Cami time snuggler”.
Damn not having millions.
Wishing I could just “like” all your comments. Good thoughts, thank you all so much for sharing them.
1. Collect underpants
2. …
3. Profit!
A paycheck is a paycheck, regardless of where it comes from. Full time, part time, graveyard, office, IT, retail, food service. Mindless part-time work sounds crappy on the surface, but does give you time to collect your thoughts and think about what you might really want to do in the long term. Maybe you move up to management, maybe you eventually say “screw you guys, I’m starting my own dog shaving business,” or maybe you just hold onto it until a better job shows up.
It’s not glamorous, but I know that part-time jobs should be opening up about now. Kids are going back to school and can’t keep their summer jobs during the term. Retail outfits should be prepping to hire for Christmas.
And/or there’s school. A student loan could help with living expenses while you brush up on business, technology, TV/VCR repair, hotel management, or whatever they’re teaching at those school places these days.
Or half-way between school and job, there are internships (the paid ones, natch, not those unpaid ones. Who even does unpaid???). The pay’s not always so great, but it’s a sort of modern-day apprenticeship. Hone your skill as you make the moneys.
Or there’s the lottery, a sugar daddy, exotic dancing, porn, drug running, black market organ theft, and counterfeiting. Yeah, not helping, am I?
Holy crap! Ten years!?! Why?
Why go back to work I mean… :)