I’m overwhelmed.
There. I said it. I am. I never expected this to be simple. I never expected it to be easy. Things are difficult. Tense. Uneasy. Unstable. And yes. Overwhelming.
And the list of things a that needs to get done is long and getting longer. I’m knocking one of those tasks off today, and that’s ‘write a blog post’. The blogging and the tweeting are very challenging now. It’s a difficult balance between being true to myself and knowing that anything I say could be hurtful because the situation itself is full of hurt. For example: I’m going to the store to pick up groceries for K’s lunch could be taken as “I’m going to the store to pick up groceries for K’s lunch.” or as “I’m moving on with my life, please pass the salt”.
So getting any of the tasks on my list finished, even this ‘write a blog post’ item, is difficult.
But one of the most important things on the list of things to do, and boy oh fucking boy is there a long list, is get a job. Employment. Or something. You know… that pays. The problem is that like a fair number of stay at home moms wanting, or needing, to reenter the workforce, I haven’t worked in 9 years. I have no formal education, and though I have a shit ton of office experience and all my fun internetty, blogging, podcasting stuff I still have no real idea what that can equate to. What I’ve figured out in the last several years is that I’m really good at being Cami Kaos but there don’t seem to be many entries for a ‘Cami Kaos’ in employment listings. Okay fine.. not many means none.
Chalk it up to one more thing that I must sit and contemplate before I just close my eyes hold my breath and jump in with both feet.
CamiKaos 
I know it’s hard and I know that you will figure it out. Have faith that it will work itself out and it will. XO
I will be an EXCELLENT reference for you.
I know how hard it is; I do.
xoxoxo
Take deep breath. Assess skills, check out employment advice web sites and/or career books. Then talk to friends. Get advice. Repeat. Repeat again, for good measure! You may be surprised at how marketable your skills are.
I’m happy to help if you look as far north as Seattle. It’s the city north of you that should have turned out as nice and livable as Portland, but didn’t.
Bartender? I could totally see you kicking conventional office jobs to the curb in order to become a kick-ass bartender — although the schedule that may not jive with family and podcast production hours. It takes, what? An OLCC license and a degree from a prestigious bartending school?
I hope you find a position that makes use of your “Cami Kaos-ness”
-Stu
Cambra, I fully believe in your ability to handle all of this. You are tough, intelligent, and and a general bad-ass. I think you should look for a job as a ninja. If there are no paid ninja gigs in the Portland area, I’m sure you’ll find something just as cool :)
Chad
You know sure as shit I’ll give you a freakin FANTASTIC reference if you need one… I wish I was there for you all right now.
Chad’s right, a Ninja job would be good too…
xxooHUGSLOVE and all kinds of good thoughts to you.