You’re a Complete Asshole, You Know That Don’t You?

No, I wasn’t talking to you.  Why would I call you and asshole, you haven’t done anything to me.  Unless… unless it was you that stole George, our garden gnome.  We got home from Dim Sum Sunday afternoon with friends only to find an empty place in the rose garden where his tiny little feet once rested.

This is George the morning of our first snow flurry in December…


I got him over the summer and named him George because that was Mike’s grandfather’s name.  Grandpa George used to make benches, birdbaths and gnomes out of concrete, so it seemed fitting.

We looked out the front window and said good morning to him often, and we judged the extremity of the snow fall these past weeks by how much of George was still visible.  K created a little fantasy world for him, once he was covered by the snow completely K insisted that he had a little cave in beneath the snow with a sofa and a Wii.

Now I’m well aware that there are those that think it’s absolutely adorable to STEAL a gnome and travel with it, taking photos and taunting the owners with postcards from the gnomes travel.  There are people who like to go around swapping out people’s yard ornaments, or putting some other art piece in it’s place, there are kids who take things from people’s yards to decorate their rooms.

Assholes, all of them.  It’s still theft and I am pissed off.

What makes me more angry than anything though, is that K is so terribly upset.  When we told her George was gone she cried great big tears.  She loved that gnome, but him not being HERE is not what she was crying about.  She feels sad and hurt that something belonging to us is gone.   She insisted that the heart shaped stepping stone she made for us be brought inside because it’s not safe out there.

“They might come back and take it mom!”

It’s a lesson we all learn at some point, but still.  I’m pissed.

I’m planning to make a sign to put in a yard pointing out that George was stolen from a loving 6 year old girl and asking that he be returned.

Will it do any good?  Hahahahahahaa.  No I’m guessing not, but I’m going to anyway.  Any suggestions on what it should say are welcome, but I’m planning to point out that they broke a 6 year old’s heart.

What an asshole.

14 thoughts on “You’re a Complete Asshole, You Know That Don’t You?

  1. missburrows says:

    OH MY GOD!!

    I just saw George on Friday night! What a horrible thing to happen!!

    Can K write a letter to The Bee? (Good writing practice and a good way to get the word out.)

  2. Denise says:

    Oh I think telling them about the great big tears should go on the sign. I never knew the about the rampant gnome crimes, it’s like serial killer mentality only their stealing gnomes. Will you let me know if they send a postcard of him on their travels? how bizarre.

  3. NanaKaos says:

    I don’t think anybody who could have stolen George has enough of a soul to feel remorse. I just don’t get it. What makes people think they have the right to take what isn’t theirs. Grrrrr!

    I was with you when George came home, and remember how happy K was with his arrival (you too) . I will miss him too!

    Maybe a sign that says “Come Back George” would work.
    Who knows, Jerks!

  4. Sybil Law says:

    See, I am thinking that maybe someone stole him and will send you pictures of him in various places… I think George might be on a vacation.
    At least, i hope so.
    And if you don’t get him back, I will help you kick some scum ass.

  5. hollydolly says:

    the sign :

    “just so you know, that gnome contained an old aztec curse. have a nice life. what’s left of it. ps. before you die next friday, would you return it?”

    that would at least give *me* amusement. if it were me.

  6. julie says:

    Total asshole. I had a case recently where some kids took a bunch of lawn ornaments from around the neighborhood and dumped them all in one yard, nicely arranged. I could only get about half of them back to their owners because only half reported them stolen…

  7. Jeannie says:

    Came here from authorblog….reading your George post – a few years back my daughter threw a party and in the morning, we had a gnome in our yard. I still feel bad about it. No idea where it came from of course. I don’t want it but I can’t throw it away because it doesn’t belong to me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.