only the blue in my eyes…

I am blanketed in silence.

It isn’t that there’s no sound, that there’s nothing to hear. I look out over the dimly lit house and know that there should be house noises. The scuffle of my feet on the cold stone floor, the friction of my long white nightdress as it brushes against the sofa.

The sound isn’t gone… but my hearing is. I decline to be distressed by this and move on to other things. I can’t hear this world, but I can see it, in black and white with all the grays in between. My flesh is ashen in the dim light and just seeing its dull dead color sends a shiver up my spine. I look into the towering windows that line this room…

During the day this could be a glorious sun room. I wonder if my cat would find a sunbeam to curl up in. I wonder if I would. It’s night though, the very darkest night, and instead of the warming rays of some long forgotten sun I see my own reflection in the glass. The night sky has made it more of a mirror than a window and I can’t help but stare back into my pale blue eyes. Funny that they’re the only thing in this world that hold any color. My hair is black. My skin is gray. My lips like charcoal, but my eyes remain the same pale denim color that they are in life…

Suddenly the scene is too much. I can not stand the stone floor and the foreign sofas. I can not stand the mirrored windows and the suffocating silence.

With bare feet I run for the glass door and just as I grip its handle it shatters with all the windows around it following suit and I bleed.

Not red blood, blood the same charcoal gray as my lips.

I float above myself watching as the blue of my eyes, the only bit of color I had left, fades to gray.

***

This post was written in response to David’s question on Weekend Wandering; What is your dream?

I wonder if he didn’t have something different in mind, but when I read the question this dream, a reoccurring dream of mine since childhood, came to mind immediately.

If you’d like to answer this in a post on your own blog please link back to his Weekend Wandering post and leave him a comment to let him know. While you letting people know… leave me a comment to let me know as well… I’d love to see what you have to say.

16 thoughts on “only the blue in my eyes…

  1. holly says:

    i loved the way you wrote this. i usually love the way you write, though, so that’s no big news…this is very different from my dream of winning the lottery. then i am taking you out, and we’ll buy shoes together. something non-crocy?

  2. Lilacspecs says:

    This is very powerful, poetic and well written. I had a recurring childhood nightmare that was sort of similar although everything was always in black and glowing green and at the end I was being held down while my wrists and ankles and throat were slit. Pretty creepy.I love how you took something as creepy and used such beautiful imagery with it though.i can has peanut butter now?

  3. Lilacspecs says:

    Oh and usually I go for creamy, although if it’s reduced fat JIF I’ll take it however it comes.and I ate the last of our crappy Dutch peanut butter yesterday on some Granny Smith apple slices. Dutch pb is crappy, but I was still disheartened by the loss of anything peanut butter-like in the house.

  4. Jo Beaufoix says:

    That was amazing but very spooky. I bet you wake up feeling a little disconcerted from that one. I had a recurring dream as a child that gives me shivers. I might write about it too but it leaves me feeling a little uneasy. It’s so weird the things our minds hold on to isn’t it?

  5. Kimberly says:

    Wow. Your writing style here reminds me keenly of The Time Traveler’s Wife. That same sense of vivid imagery and intensity of emotion. Incredible.

  6. david mcmahon says:

    Your writing style is wonderful but this post was even more haunting, even more `remember me’. Yes, I deliberatel phrased the question so it would be open-ended to any interpretation.Marvellous post …

  7. Sandi McBride says:

    I can’t decide if this is a nightmare or an urgent push into something new…beautifully haunting, whatever it is.Sandi

  8. Daryl says:

    So well written for a minute I was afraid you had actually lost your hearing! For a dream it is pretty intense .. and for a recurring dream its downright scary.David sent me:-Daryl

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