consumer whore cami goes to IKEA

Yesterday we decided to make the trip I’ve been putting off for quite a while. Portland got an IKEA several months ago and in the midst of their opening circus I decided I would NOT be going there until I could be absolutely certain things had settled down.

I guess need of some STUFF overcame my dislike of crowds and huge stores and we made a go of it but first we had a birthday party to go to (you know the one I thought was on Saturday but it really turned out to be on Sunday?).

When that family fun (read loud crazy game room and bowling with comfy leather couches) was over we drove all the way back to the other side of the metro area right by the Portland Airport to go to IKEA.

Do you know what happens when we head towards the airport?

K asks if we can go to Disneyland.

“No K, we can’t go to Disneyland”

“Oh” she said to me “Well do they have food and toys where we’re going?”

I told her yes

She said that was very good because she was STARVING.

(we often neglect to feed our child, doesn’t seem important)

It was starting to seem like we would never EVER get there (and not just because of the whining starving child in the back seat). You see there were no signs leading us from the freeway to the store. Only to the airport. We could see the store. I guess we could have left the car parked in the middle of the road there at the entrance to the airport and walked to the store…

That wouldn’t have caused a problem for anyone really… we’re just lazy.

Instead we had to go all the way up to the airport and back and then we missed the exit that we needed to take from that street because… you guessed it… no signs.

IKEA is supposed to be a big deal I thought, you would think they could afford a sign or two to offer direction.

Or maybe they think they are too good for us…

No, surely not, I’m CamiKaos. Maybe I should have told them we were coming.

Or you know. Gotten directions on the internet.

Against all odds we somehow made it to the parking lot (on our second try). I was impressed to see that the parking lot was not a crazy circus packed full at 3pm on a Sunday. It may not be good news for the store but I love a store that isn’t overcrowded with crazed shoppers and hungry children.

On the way into the store I grabbed a lovely and very clean shopping cart. I should tell you that I base a lot of my opinion of a store on the shopping carts. If you have nasty old carts that are in ill repair and covered in dirt and child snot… or if the wheels are misaligned, you loose major consumer whore Cami points from the get go.

I headed into the store with darling Mr. Kaos by my side and K helping me to push the cart. We had made it. We had arrived.

Oh and look, a helpful greeter.

I hate helpful greeters… This one was no exception. She acted as though we had entered some sort of exclusive club and implied that we didn’t NEED that cart yet. She asked us if we knew about the kid land

“You’re not taking my child and brainwashing her so you can turn her into some sort of IKEAN robot” I screamed.

Okay, I didn’t I just smiled and nodded and looked disdainfully at her. They’re not taking my child and brainwashing her into some sort of IKEAN robot I thought to myself.

She took my cart when we indicated we were heading up to the cafe. TOOK it. She told me we wouldn’t need our cart upstairs.

How did she know that? What if I was planning to buy 600 precooked Swedish Meatballs with gravy and French Fries? I would totally need a cart for that.

Plus there was stuff up there. Stuff babies… everywhere. Kids stuff. Um. Toys. Furniture (that I totally could have put in a cart) and more stuff.

We headed straight into the cafeteria and got food. Here’s the thing though, it was a cafeteria. In a store.

And the food was actually pretty good. I had a lovely chicken Caesar, Mr. Kaos had a little shrimp toast thing and pasta and sauce and K had meatballs and French fries. Luckily she is easily bribed and was willing to trade croûtons for French fries and she didn’t eat all of her meatballs so I got some. That’s how I know the food was all good. I ate it.

Then the shopping. Still no cart as we were upstairs and that was poo pooed… though I have to say I saw a few people with carts. I have to admit though that with a cart I wouldn’t have had the kind of freedom to wander hither and yon and look to and fro and explore all the STUFF.

Okay fine, so as it turns out greeter bitch was right and I didn’t NEED my cart upstairs.

After 16 hours upstairs and 5 more servings of meatballs and fries we made our way downstairs where I was reunited with my beeeuuuutiful shopping cart. It probably wasn’t the same cart but it seemed like it and that bodes well for them. Consistently good shopping carts… awesome.

The shopping continued from there. I won’t tell you everything we bought, but I will tell you that Mr. Kaos and I each wound up pushing a cart and that K behaved very well and got a tiny little stuffed mouse as a reward (made of fabric not taxidermied you weirdo) and that I am currently sipping Cherry Coke from the worlds most perfect glass to drink Cherry Coke from.

We got *almost* everything we went looking for and a couple of things we TOTALLY needed but never knew we needed.

By the time we left (after using their excellent and simple self checkout) we had been in the store a total of 3 hours and sadly we hadn’t yet discovered all of her mysteries.

But here’s the problem babies; I HATE shopping. I hate it. I don’t like stores. Browsing. Shopping. None of it. I was ready willing and I thought able to hate IKEA…

But oh boy I really liked it. I only have 1 questions: Can I get extra gravy on my meatballs?

22 thoughts on “consumer whore cami goes to IKEA

  1. Lisa Milton says:

    I was surprised by my IKEA experience too. I hate shopping and whine like the big baby I am when I am forced into a trip to the mall. (Kidnapped.)But I liked IKEA, once I found the unmarked exit. (Shhh, it’s a magical portal.)

  2. Lori- Fairytales & Margaritas says:

    I LOVE IKEA! Mine is two hours away. But, I love it. Kidland is great! And the food is so good and cheap! Right after we built our house I spent 7, yes 7 hours in that store!

  3. holly says:

    i totally love ikea, except when i just want on teeny tiny thing, and the maze-like layout forces me to go past everything *in* the shop just to get my little kitchen implement. my husband is looking at me strangely for laughing at ikean robots. god we miss the kids we used to have.

  4. angel says:

    i am completely and totally sure that if you tell them who you are you can have all the extra gravy you want!!wish we had ikea down here…

  5. Jo Beaufoix says:

    I love, love, love Ikea. And you think stuffed mousse’s are weird? At our Ikea they have soft fluffy stuffed woodlice. Miss M was scared.

  6. sybil law says:

    WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH.But I will be in your heaven/ hell soon.We already talked today so you know my story.Extra gravy: 50 cents.Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.xo

  7. katydidnot says:

    okay, now i think i’m officially the only one left in the “i have never purchased or eaten anything at IKEA” club.dude. i rule.

  8. 123Valerie says:

    Do you guys have Big Lots out thattaway? It’s like a poor girl’s IKEA. And, yes, I know–something is wrong when one can’t even afford IKEA. I’m working on that.

  9. A says:

    We had the same problem finding it. We’d be driving along cursing the fact that we could see it (who could miss that huge ass sign?) but could not for the life of me figure out how to get there. We had to pass, backtrack and take the wrong exit twice before figuring it out. I’m not sure I’d know how to get back there again if I wanted to. Which I do.And we totally took carts upstairs. No one told us it wasn’t allowed. Weird.

  10. CamiKaos says:

    a: I am glad it wasn’t just us. We don’t think we went the “correct” way. It doesn’t make any sense to go around that far does it? But still I loved it.123v: we’ve got one out a bit, but it is always FULLLLLLLL and that scares me. eep.BW: with a house I bet you will find LOTS you totally NEEDkatydidnot: I wish I was still in the club with you. I was so happy having never been there… now it seems there is no turning back.prepos: You won’t be missing out on anything until you visit one…landismom: exactlyFlutter: mmm gravy dreamsMie: next time you’re here we’re all going!Jo: woodlice. IckAngel: We’ll have to see how up on their bloganistas they are.holly: Yes… it is a BIG maze… I wonder how you go to where you want to go specifically… hmmmmm….Linda: IN A BOWL!!!!Mr. Fab: No. no it wouldn’t.Lori: I was so enthused when i read your comment. I am so excited. I just want to use ALL CAPS and too many!!!!!!!!!Maddy: You should!Lisa: I DO NOT go to the mall. The unmarked exit… do tell Lisa. Share your secrets of Ikea goodness

  11. Dan says:

    I used to live 5 minutes from IKEA. I spent nearly every lunchtime of 2004 at their hot dog stall. Mmmmm cheap IKEA hotdogs.

  12. stephanie says:

    I posted about my IKEA experience after the Portland store opened. I, too, avoided the grand circus and I, also, wanted to punch the greeter (mine told me the store wouldn’t be opening for another 15 minutes but I could enjoy breakfast in the cafeteria EXCLAMATION POINT).I’m glad you rather enjoyed the trip, but I completely understand the sense of it being a slightly dirty experience…

  13. The Holmes says:

    Austin got its very own IKEA a while back, but I think they forgot our greeter, which is fine. Though it seems that every time we need an employee, there’s none to be found. All part of the fun, efficient savings I guess.Oh, and is it bad that my two year old knows how to say “IKEA”? We didn’t even leave him in the kid’s area or anything. I guess he liked the meatballs.

  14. CamiKaos says:

    Holmes: Ikean robot in the making ;)Stephanie: It is odd how it does that, makes you feel a little dirty I mean… Dan: I am not much of a hotdog person myself, but I’ve heard theirs are good. I will never find out though, not when meatballs are being offered.

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