A retroactive translation The 8th of April, in this year of our discontent Dear Reader, Today I have begun to be weaned from my tonic by order of Dr. S—. The reduction is significant — by a third, she has said, "to keep the worst of it manageable." I had not known the tonic was … Continue reading letters from the rest cure…
It's 6:26 am on a Saturday. I'm currently stoned on a delicate balance of Bruce Banner, to give me the ability and energy to actually move this meat sack I'm living in, and Purple Punch, to dull all of the joint pain and muscle pain enough to let me stay present in it. The last … Continue reading for a while…
I spent a lot of time over the past few years looking for a new way to be professional. My nervous breakdown slash autism surprise slash ADHD diagnosis slash leaving the workforce slash trying to find myself as a human without inserting myself into toxic and unhealthy cultures came at an inconvenient time, frankly. The … Continue reading as I was saying…
Dear Cami Kaos, Congratulations, you've won an all-inclusive misery staycation aboard the cruise ship Med Change. We know that you have no choices when it comes to changing your medication, that said, we appreciate that you've chosen to sail with us on a medically supervised taper rather than jumping ship cold turkey into open water. … Continue reading welcome aboard…
I’m on a second day of full rest. Which sounds dramatic. But it’s because I left my house on Monday. This isn’t a story about a bad driver.Or a death threat.Or even the adrenaline crash that followed. Though it does contains all of those things. It’s about what happens after the body decides it was … Continue reading contact not required…
Earlier this week I stopped my partner mid-whatever-he-was-doing to talk. Despite comfortably shouting about all that’s wrong with me here on the internet, in my real life I don’t really like to talk about the hard stuff. Write? Absolutely. I will excavate my own rib cage in prose. But speak? Have a conversation… No thank … Continue reading on sitting in the shower…
Yesterday, as I was leaving the very same coffee shop I’m sitting in right now, I crossed the street in the middle of the block. There were cars coming, but they were slowed by traffic. I could have walked to the corner. I should have walked to the corner. I know that. And on any … Continue reading something I’d never do…
There’s a space between underdoing it and overdoing it that other people call Tuesday. I seem to have misplaced mine. It feels ridiculous to me that I, an intelligent 48-year-old woman, still don’t have the sense to stop and rest when I need to. I haven’t ever really known how to. Not consistently. But it’s … Continue reading finding Tuesday…
I've always had itchy skin. Sensitive skin. Problem skin. Whatever polite term the adults around me used, the reality was simple: I reacted to everything. Dryer sheets. Scented detergent. Some makeup made my eyes puff up. Perfumes that smelled terrible and made my arms and neck itch. The solution was also simple. Just avoid ever … Continue reading Was it Strawberries or Was it Stress?
My circadian rhythm and I are no longer on speaking terms. 4:00 am-ish: My partner wakes up for no discernible reason and gets out of bed. I ask the time. Upon learning it’s 4 am, I roll over in an attempt to re-engage with sleep. 4:05 am-ish: From the bed, I request that he please … Continue reading upon a Wednesday morning…
CamiKaos 