short of breath not for lack of air but because it catches in my mouth. in my nose. in my throat. with thoughts of why and how and why now because everything used to be simple easy except that's misremembering nothing has even been either of those and the breath I can catch flows like … Continue reading words…
pea based existential crisis…
I think the headline says it all. I am deep in the middle of questioning who I am at the very heart of my being. As long as I have known myself certain truths have always been both deeply engrained in who I am and floating right on the surface for all to see. They … Continue reading pea based existential crisis…
words…
they buzz and swirl while I sleep a funnel cloud scratching, nagging tickling memories inciting panic ensuring unrest until their buzzing leads to tossing turning and I open my eyes in the dark.
sometimes I’m happy to be wrong…
Sunday afternoon, after a weekend that saw more than its fair share of errands, chores, and video games, we walked down to the local theater to see a matinée screening of Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2. Before we go any further let me address the obvious. The thing many of you probably know. I … Continue reading sometimes I’m happy to be wrong…
tales of a traveling introvert: television time…
Getting to travel for work is pretty damn cool. It's a problem sometimes, sure. But it's not a bad problem to have. Where I often run into trouble, outside of the logistics and being away from my people, is that I need me time. I need quiet. I need to decompress. I need to sit … Continue reading tales of a traveling introvert: television time…
this is not forty…
Forty is a landmark. A milestone. It's a fixed place in time. It comes with a set of expectations. A certain amount of understanding. Of yourself. Of the people around you. Of the world. Tomorrow, as far as my birth certificate is concerned, I'll hit that landmark. But for me nothing feels set in stone. It doesn't … Continue reading this is not forty…
can you hear me?
When I was little, back in the olden days before the internet, I remember sitting on the rough commercial-grade carpet of the library floor. I was alone in a big aisle of books as my mother looked for something to read in another section. I loved to sit there flipping through the pages of pictures. … Continue reading can you hear me?
am I blue….
I woke up this morning with a feeling I can't shake. Sad. Distant. Nauseous instead of hungry. I saw my kid off to school. And might I add that my kid looked particularly cool today wearing a studded jacket I'd purchased as a gift for them on my first ever trip to Europe. Mentally I … Continue reading am I blue….
trying to not be thankful…
Travel can have its ups and downs. And sometimes it's really hard to keep a good attitude in the midst of shitty stuff happening. But my ability to keep my calm and be positive while traveling is something I take pride in. But that positivity can go a little too far. After about 12 hours … Continue reading trying to not be thankful…
I can’t fight this feeling…
Perhaps I should say I won't fight this feeling. I paused. I took a day's worth of breaths. I let the feelings wash over me in waves. Panicked. Numb. Angry. Numb. Mourning. Numb. Disgust. Numb. Understanding. Disgust. Anger. Hurt. Numb. I don't want the numb. I don't want to be calm. I don't want to … Continue reading I can’t fight this feeling…
CamiKaos 