My circadian rhythm and I are no longer on speaking terms.

4:00 am-ish:

My partner wakes up for no discernible reason and gets out of bed. I ask the time. Upon learning it’s 4 am, I roll over in an attempt to re-engage with sleep.

4:05 am-ish:

From the bed, I request that he please turn up the heat—because my portable heating unit (him) got out of bed and now I’m cold.

4:10 am-ish:

Realize I won’t go back to sleep unless I get up to pee.

4:30 am-ish:

Remember I usually wake up around 5 am for thyroid meds, so I grant myself some doomscroll time while I wait for med-o’clock.

5:00 am-ish:

Chatting on Instagram with another Pisces. Looking at memes. No clue what time it actually is.

5:30 am-ish:

Realize I’m so hungry I might throw up. But I have to take my pills on an empty stomach.

Swallow the pills down anyway, hope I keep them down, and attempt to go back to sleep.

5:35 am-ish:

Write all of this down, hoping I’ll stop thinking about my pills and the fact that I can’t eat for an hour. Exert my will. Put down the phone.

5:40 am-ish:

Realize I’m now too hot to sleep. Turn on the fan. Turn off the heat. Accept that I might never go back to sleep again.

8:45 am-ish:

What? Where?

Fuck. I shouldn’t have gone back to sleep.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll try pretending to be a morning person again… but not today.