There are some things that I just find rude. Honking, out of context, is one of them. That car horn is there for when you’re on the road and you need to audibly notify drivers or pedestrians of something in your surrounding area. It can signal something like “Oh no my brakes are out and I’m careening through an intersection and I don’t want to kill you!!!!!!!!” or “Why the fuck did you run that red light I’m going to smash into you and kill us all!!!!!!” or “You’re driving on the wrong side of the road, idiot!” or even “Are you blind?! The light is green! Go go go!”

I’m sure there are other good reasons…

I’m not a big fan of the “Honk if you love [insert deity or political cause here]” honking. Or honking to try to magically clear a traffic jam that stretches out for miles in either direction. Or to tell your friend/date/kid/anyone you’ve arrived and they should come out and get in the car. Honking to get an animal out of the road is something I can get behind though as I shriek and cringe anytime I see roadkill… yeah, I’m working on it.

But I’m certain that one thing a car horn isn’t meant for is getting your kid to hurry the fuck up because said child didn’t listen to you 20 seconds before when you were yelling for them to get out the door. I’m even more certain that isn’t the proper use of a car horn at 7am when I am trying to sleep and said car with horn is just down the driveway and aimed in the direction of my bedroom window.

I think we should all be relieved I was drowsy and un-dressed as it prevented me from running to my front door and shouting a few obscenities that, said on tv, would be honked out by censors for sure.

After some reflection this is more a parenting issue than one of car horn etiquette, but since they seem to overlap let me just remind anyone who may have forgotten that people are humans. Not geese. At least they were last time I checked.