In an attempt to clean things up I’m once again going through the posts that, for some reason, were never posted. Some of them are little stories, specific incidents, brief trains of thought. Others, like the one below from December last year, are like a long form vague tweet that months later not even I can guess at their catalyst…

There are times that you figure something out.  Either because it magically dawns on you after trying so hard to fit the pieces together or because you’re presented with an additional snippet of life, experience, or information.  That moment of discovery.  Of realization?  It can be so intense that the consequences of the knowledge are briefly blown away and the fact that you finally have it figured out is fucking magical.

Until it sinks in that you can’t undo the knowing.

Wondering can be pushed aside.  Uncertainty can be reasoned with.  Pain can subside.

Knowledge though, knowledge is a powerful thing.  Once you know something you can’t unknow it without intervention… like a sharp knock to the head or a degenerative brain disease.

I’m not up for either of those so my only option is to look at things the way they are and think.

But the thinking?  Makes me a little sick to my stomach.