Don’t wear kitten heels if you’re attending the graveside service. It may seem like a good idea because they’re black open toe sandal open back kitten heels and your flats just don’t seem dressy enough and boots are not appropriate and your 3 inch heels are too much… but trust me it’s not a good idea. You’ll sink into the grass, trip over the astroturf and wind up holding your teary eyed 7 year old and the added weight of that child will drive those kitten heels into the grass and you’ll be kind of stuck. Then you’ll think about the fact that those kitten heels (that you really love) are in the same ground as hundreds of dead bodies. Just avoid it and wear the flats.
Don’t look into the grave. As I stood there listening to the service I found it hard to look into the eyes of the rest of the family and friends gathered there. I shifted my eyes to the Pastor. A man who had known Mike’s grandmother for 45 years. Too uncomfortable so I looked away again. My eyes focused on the casket… bad move Cami… bad move. So I dropped my eyes to where the ground should have been and saw the last thing I needed to see. The place where the earth had been cut away to lower the casket. The hole in the ground where she would go. Flood gates babies, flood gates.
Don’t laugh. I’m an ignorant English only speaker and Mike’s family speaks German and English so half of the service was in German. When it’s hot outside and you’re in a state of emotional unrest and you’re holding a 7 year old up in your arms and over your shoulder and your favorite kitten heels are stuck in the earth of a graveyard and tears are streaming down your face and you’re worried about your husband who was just one of the pallbearers for his last surviving grandparent, the German language (especially bible passages read in German) sounds downright hilarious. Don’t laugh unless…
Wait, let me change that last one…
Laugh, but laugh quietly. Sometimes you have to cling to any sense of whimsy you can get just to make it through the day.
Now go about your business while I try to scrub the grave dirt of my kitten heels…
CamiKaos 
I think Oma would have loved your story, that woman had a wonderful sense humor.
Awesome post, Cami. I’m sorry for your family’s loss. This sweet post is pitch perfect.
Ugh. I’m so sorry Cami. Losing people just sucks.
And I know exactly what you mean about the kitten heels, I had that happen at a wedding and was miserable the entire time walking on my tip toes so that my heels didn’t sink.
On Saturday I will buy you a PBR and that will make everything better. Well maybe not everything but PBR+Rollerderby=two hours of happiness!
I could’ve told you that bit about the kitten heels! Been there, done that – only I was IN an outdoor wedding, so it was completely out of my control. I looked like an ass trying to walk down the aisle!
Now go make a drink and relax.
xo
I’m so sorry for your loss…ummm, I have to Google “kitten heels” cause I don’t know what they are (being the old person that I am)…but it sounds to me like you were spot on target with your reactions…there is catharsis in all of that…I second Sybil Law’s suggestion….
Ohhhhh, I even have a pair of those and didn’t know that was what they are called…I am just a fashion nerd. Yes, always wear flats to a funeral…always….
I am sorry it was rough Cami.