Monday was an odd day in the Kaos house. It was the very first day in 2 weeks that I was home alone.
It wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be and I made some poor choices. It started off completely fine, good even… but from there it spiraled downhill until some how we reached the a moment in time one hour before I needed to pick K up from school.
That moment? It saw me laying in bed crying, sobbing, gasping for breath.
Okay maybe the gasping for breath is a little… dramatic…
It wasn’t a pretty moment though friends. It shouldn’t have happened. I should have been stronger than that. I thought I was made of tougher stuff but apparently I am a blubbering mass of gooey messy tears… Here’s how it all went down:
8 am: I dropped K off at school. She was not pleased to be back, she wanted to be home, with me, not at school with them. Who them was I don’t know, she loves her teacher and fellow students… but “them”… they weren’t making her happy.
I got her calmed down though, left her at school with a smile on her face and then off to home I go…
8:30 am: I’m home. I set a few things down say hello to the cats and note that Mr. Kaos is still getting ready for work so I sit down for a moment, just a moment, on the bed. I hit publish on a blog post and then close the lap top and close my eyes.
9:30ish: I wake up to the sound of Mr. Kaos shaving… I shake the sleep off and realize I should get him out the door so I collect up his coffee, water, vitamins and briefcase and put them in the car for him. He walks out the door.
None of this seems very tear inducing does it?
10 ish: I realize I haven’t eaten. Not good. I slice up an apple, cook some soy sausage and sit down to enjoy a quick bite. Oh and I turn my computer back on. It’s frozen. I curse, I swear and then I plead before just rebooting the damn thing…
Still not crying.
11 ish: I decide that I should get a few things off my to do list so I sit down to fold laundry while I watch a movie I’ve had out from netflix since November… of last year…. that’s four months.
I pop Bridge to Terabithia into the dvd player and start to fold… but I get distracted by my hacking cough and computer. I pause it to get a drink of water and then some time later wander back in and press play.
1 ish: The movie ends and even though I didn’t particularly enjoy it I am now laying on the bed in a semi fetal position with my face soaked with tears. The well of my clavicle has formed a pool of tears and as I sit up it spills between my breasts making me feel like the biggest saltiest dumbass that world has ever known.
I hate crying.
Today? I won’t be watching any sad movies so I’m hoping it will go better…