Yesterday I went to brunch and the ballet with two of my dearest. In the process I was around thousands of people. I watched them. I got to know everyone in my vicinity in my own quiet, introverted way. I named people. Formed attachments to humans who may not have even noticed I exist. I … Continue reading masking monday: showing up
This column first appeared in the September edition of Gal Pal’s monthly publication. If you want to read Dear Cami as soon as it’s released, you can subscribe to Gal Pal's Museletter. The theme for September’s Museletter was Power… There are so many ways to talk about power. Today, I want to start with the … Continue reading this month’s letter comes from Cover Story…
There are times I do not want to be perceived. Whole stretches. Weeks when I am strictly available to my tiny family and no one else. I’ve always been like this: I withdraw, go hermit, disappear. In chat apps you can flip yourself to “away.” Your dot dims. People can still ping you, but the … Continue reading do not see me…
There’s this thing that happens when I’m playing Animal Crossing. I’m wandering around in my little pink dress and pink bear head, watering flowers, chopping down trees, and checking on my neighbors. Katt has a cold, so I take her some medicine. They’re all thrilled to see me. They gush, they sparkle, they tell me … Continue reading Masking Monday: Demented and Sad, but Social
We’ve established here before that I called out sick from school. A lot. And when I was working from a physical office, I called out sick there too. The first time I was ever fired it was explicitly because I just could not reliably show up and pretend to be someone else 8 to 12 … Continue reading Masking Monday: The Good Friend Mask
Let’s talk about my face. Specifically, the one it makes when I’m not actively arranging it for the comfort of the general public. Apparently, that face says: “I’m mad.”“I’m tired.”“I’m annoyed.”“I’m such a bitch.” Here’s the thing: I’m not mad. I’m not tired. I’m not annoyed. (Okay, sometimes I’m annoyed, but usually at my email … Continue reading Masking Monday: The Face at Rest…
Sometimes, I just stop. Not because the day is over. Not because everything’s done. But because I’ve reached my limit. Sensory, emotional, existential—doesn’t matter which. My system throws a little internal breaker switch and suddenly it’s time. Back in the box. It’s not a literal box (though if you told me I could crawl into … Continue reading back in the box…
Unmasking Is Weird For most of my life, I’ve felt fake.Not dishonest. Not deceptive. Just… performed. Like every interaction came with a script I didn’t write but had to memorize to survive. Smile here. Ask that. Tilt your head just so. Don’t talk too much. Don’t talk too little. Don’t stim. Don’t fidget. Don’t correct … Continue reading be yourself, but not like that…
(It's Not a Security Blanket. It’s a Lifestyle Choice.) When I was a kid, I had the blanket. You know the one. Threadbare but beloved. Always slightly damp at one corner. Soft in a way nothing else on earth quite managed to be. I dragged it everywhere—across tile floors, into the back seat of the … Continue reading Blanket Statement
No relationship lives in black and white—and apparently, neither do I. In Act I, I told you about Cheri—the first friend who saw me without flinching. That friendship cracked something open in me, and then it broke me when it ended. In Act II, I picked up the pieces and tried to rebuild myself out … Continue reading my history of understanding friendship — act III: of course I’m on a spectrum…
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