I’ve worn a version of myself like a costume for so long that I don’t always know who’s underneath it. Some days, I’m just a collection of practiced expressions.A carefully modulated tone.A perfectly timed laugh.A soft nod when I want to scream.A full human suit built to make sure you’re comfortable—no matter what it costs … Continue reading Masking Monday: What Is Masking, Really?
I had a conversation today with the good friend of a good friend—one of those generous, strategic humans who actually knows things about hiring and was kind enough to let me pick his brain. Because, yes, I need a job. And while we’re all supposed to pretend that’s a casual thing you manifest through vibes … Continue reading My Nervous System Has Notes…
Somewhere in November of 2006, I let something out I hadn’t meant to share—just a breath at first. But it turned into a voice. It wasn’t calculated.It was necessary.And it was brave. I didn’t know what I was doing. I just knew I needed to say something. Anything. Loudly. On the internet. Before I drowned … Continue reading Post 1200: A Love Letter to Every Version of Me Who Hit Publish
When I was growing up, I wanted to be a thousand different things depending on the day. Some of them made sense. Some of them were just hyperfixations in disguise. But through all the shifting interests and costume changes, a few constants stuck: I wanted to be my Aunt Sandy. I wanted to be Catwoman. … Continue reading I’m Writing an Advice Column. Ask Me Something Weird and Specific…
When I was a kid, all the way through the end of my school career, I was frequently absent. I was accused regularly of playing sick to achieve this level of absence. The amount of guilt I have carried with me over the years for faking sick is... a lot. It's a lot to carry. … Continue reading cami is absent today…
words swarmingstinging for attentionnot in turnen masse. if I couldI’d compile themcollect themalign themfor battlefor beautyfor sense. alas I never will write a poemyou know… because of the tism.
If you know me even a little you probably know that the last two years of my life have been... intensecrazeda complete mental breakdownmeditativefull of growthdifficulta rollercoaster of medicationa cascade of evaluations and diagnoses full of doctorsfull of lovemuch pinker than the previous 45 years of my lifeI haven't had a lot of time to … Continue reading I accidentally left my martini in 2023…
When I was 11 I saw Little Nikita (starring Sidney Poitier, River Phoenix, and Richard Jenkins) and I really liked it. I was enthralled. If I’d had access to it to watch it over and over again I would have. It’s been a significantly long time since I’ve seen it. I know watching it today … Continue reading little nikita…
2024 came on the heels of 2023. Let me tell you something about 2023. It was fucking rough. I don’t remember it particularly well, but I remember how it felt. Like I'd been hit by a semi-truck. In May of 2023 I flew home from a business trip overseas and slept for three days. When … Continue reading the thing about 2024…
The past 18 months or so of my life have been a lot. Never mind any part that has anything to do with anything outside of my brain, body, and spirit. Reflecting on the me-ness of this past year and a half has been a lot. I think my childhood was about avoiding diagnosis and … Continue reading the diagnosis…
CamiKaos 