Last night, as my mind was grasping at straws for a reason to be awake, it started narrating the pain flaring in my lower back and hips. Turning it into words. Into poetry. Little visual metaphors born from the feeling of pain itself. My mind screamed about it long enough that I finally picked up … Continue reading poems lost between midnight and morning…
My circadian rhythm and I are no longer on speaking terms. 4:00 am-ish: My partner wakes up for no discernible reason and gets out of bed. I ask the time. Upon learning it’s 4 am, I roll over in an attempt to re-engage with sleep. 4:05 am-ish: From the bed, I request that he please … Continue reading upon a Wednesday morning…
There are times I do not want to be perceived. Whole stretches. Weeks when I am strictly available to my tiny family and no one else. I’ve always been like this: I withdraw, go hermit, disappear. In chat apps you can flip yourself to “away.” Your dot dims. People can still ping you, but the … Continue reading do not see me…
There’s this thing that happens when I’m playing Animal Crossing. I’m wandering around in my little pink dress and pink bear head, watering flowers, chopping down trees, and checking on my neighbors. Katt has a cold, so I take her some medicine. They’re all thrilled to see me. They gush, they sparkle, they tell me … Continue reading Masking Monday: Demented and Sad, but Social
Let’s talk about my face. Specifically, the one it makes when I’m not actively arranging it for the comfort of the general public. Apparently, that face says: “I’m mad.”“I’m tired.”“I’m annoyed.”“I’m such a bitch.” Here’s the thing: I’m not mad. I’m not tired. I’m not annoyed. (Okay, sometimes I’m annoyed, but usually at my email … Continue reading Masking Monday: The Face at Rest…
I’m not sure if I’ve reached out in faith or if I’ve simply begun to mourn. I emailed the seller—not with rage or even frustration, but with something softer. Something that lives between hope and grief. Was it a hopeful communication attempt? Or the first stage of goblin-related loss? It’s hard to tell. Time moves … Continue reading Creature Report Entry 003: Is this a customer service séance?
When I was growing up, I wanted to be a thousand different things depending on the day. Some of them made sense. Some of them were just hyperfixations in disguise. But through all the shifting interests and costume changes, a few constants stuck: I wanted to be my Aunt Sandy. I wanted to be Catwoman. … Continue reading I’m Writing an Advice Column. Ask Me Something Weird and Specific…
2024 came on the heels of 2023. Let me tell you something about 2023. It was fucking rough. I don’t remember it particularly well, but I remember how it felt. Like I'd been hit by a semi-truck. In May of 2023 I flew home from a business trip overseas and slept for three days. When … Continue reading the thing about 2024…
A couple of months ago I woke up and realized that, despite the learnings of my youth, turning 42 was not in fact the answer to life the universe and everything. Mostly because in order to be the answer there must be the question. I'm not a question so much as I am a work … Continue reading on being the answer to life the universe and everything…
I think the headline says it all. I am deep in the middle of questioning who I am at the very heart of my being. As long as I have known myself certain truths have always been both deeply engrained in who I am and floating right on the surface for all to see. They … Continue reading pea based existential crisis…
CamiKaos 