Sometimes, I just stop. Not because the day is over. Not because everything’s done. But because I’ve reached my limit. Sensory, emotional, existential—doesn’t matter which. My system throws a little internal breaker switch and suddenly it’s time. Back in the box. It’s not a literal box (though if you told me I could crawl into … Continue reading back in the box…
I spoke at an open source conference last week.For the first time since I left my old job.For the first time since the breakdown.For the first time since the diagnosis. I tried to follow the old, tried-and-true formula for writing a talk. The process that always worked before. It didn’t serve me. But it didn’t … Continue reading Masking Monday: Unscripted, Unmasked, Undone…
I’ve worn a version of myself like a costume for so long that I don’t always know who’s underneath it. Some days, I’m just a collection of practiced expressions.A carefully modulated tone.A perfectly timed laugh.A soft nod when I want to scream.A full human suit built to make sure you’re comfortable—no matter what it costs … Continue reading Masking Monday: What Is Masking, Really?
On masks, maybe-friends, and the quiet exhaustion of trying too hard for too long. I used to think friendship was binary. That story—the one about flower bracelets and a life-sized doll—was where I started. It set the tone, the standard, the shape of what I thought friendship was supposed to feel like. Then everything got … Continue reading my history of understanding friendship — act II: the third thing
When I was a kid, all the way through the end of my school career, I was frequently absent. I was accused regularly of playing sick to achieve this level of absence. The amount of guilt I have carried with me over the years for faking sick is... a lot. It's a lot to carry. … Continue reading cami is absent today…
If you know me even a little you probably know that the last two years of my life have been... intensecrazeda complete mental breakdownmeditativefull of growthdifficulta rollercoaster of medicationa cascade of evaluations and diagnoses full of doctorsfull of lovemuch pinker than the previous 45 years of my lifeI haven't had a lot of time to … Continue reading I accidentally left my martini in 2023…
CamiKaos 