camikaos goes to school: part 3

This week I learned something really important. I mean completely invaluable…

I learned that talking to inanimate objects doesn’t make you crazy, it makes you creative:

Dialog with my table

Me: So, you’re my table

T: Yeah, thanks for owning me… I used to be alive you know, big tree, lots of leaves and stuff…

Me: You weren’t that kind of alive, you were tree alive, no brain action. I mean I know we humans are a little self absorbed as a species… but you’re a tree. Would you mind taking a different tone with me?

T: Hey lady, I’m your table, it isn’t my fault that half of what comes out of your mouth is snarky.

Me: Good point, and I guess since you spend so much time with me… it’s only natural you would absorb part of my personality.

T: You spend a lot of time with me. Writing, painting, teaching K, eating breakfast lunch and dinner. What would you do without me?

Me: Eat somewhere else, write in my bed. I don’t know, I don’t like to think about it, you’re a great table. I never had a table like you.

T: I know. You needed me.

Me: I did. I really did. I remember when I saw you in the store, all the way across the room and I thought “now that’s a table”

T: I’m a good table. But you already know that if you expect to write an entire piece about me.

Me: Are you now going to critique my work?

T: No, you’re capable of beating yourself up enough.

Me: Yeah, that’s my thing…

(in this practice were were asked to chose one of the 4 items we expanded on last week and have a dialog with it, therefore I am not crazy)

10 thoughts on “camikaos goes to school: part 3

  1. mielikki says:

    a snarky table. Fabulous. I should have a conversation with mine. . . I am not its first needy owner. And I know what it would say”hurry up and refinish me like you always said you were going to, biatch!”

  2. Daveman says:

    Alrightee then!! If you had been talking to your lamp, rug, bathtub or even the coffee maker I’d of thought nothing about it.But the table? I’m keepin’ my eye on yew. I even have my left over straight jacket from when me and the fridgerater tried to run off an elope.

  3. sybil law says:

    well, i liked it! but i do think the table would also add: “please keep those damn cats off the table!”, as well.

  4. Celtic Rose says:

    I feel bad . . . I had a perfectly nice old antique table that was just slightly warped, I really really loved that table. My handsome husband bought another table, old, kinda an antique but not MY table. I mean come on, my slightly warped table was one of the first pieces of furniture that we bought as a couple and it is cute and friendly and I miss it.Anyway, this ‘other’ table is too big for my kitchen and is not friendly at all. I would gladly give it away . . . Wanna table?Table cloths don’t like it either.Handsome husband has my friendly table tucked in the shed (oh poor thing! It must be so scared), with tons of boxes stacked on top of it. Sigh, Mielikki offered to help me unbury it sometime soon and replace the ‘other’ one. S-h-h-h, mustn’t let the ‘other’ one catch wind of it.

  5. Lis says:

    I think if I tried to have a chat with my desk it’ll smack me around on the head for resting my legs on it all the damn time.

  6. The Holmes says:

    At least it’s reasonably civilized. I’m pretty sure most of my furniture speaks in a slightly condescending Swedish accent since most of it came from Ikea.

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