but i need it…

This is my sad comment and reply to my own blog of last week “i want i want i want…”

Do I still want that fuzzy cute sweet wet nosed bundle of puppy joy? Yes, yes I do. Have I gotten over my hormone fed desperate need for a new living being to take care of? Pretty much.

Now let me clarify. I do still want a puppy (and the dog that it grows into) I am not that fickle and wanton… but do I want it knowing that at the time it could quite possibly drive my poor dear husband over the cliff of sanity? No, no I am not that crazed.

I am quite certain that a week ago today if you asked me to choose between my husband’s peace and harmony and the bright eyed perky eared little pup I had been dreaming of I would have said “Mike’s being a baby…” and I would have gone out to get a leash, collar, puppy bed, food bowls and a big ol bag of appropriate puppy feed… Yes. That is me… and it is my family’s burden to live with…

Somewhere around Thursday night while I was drifting off to sleep I realized that my puppy need was being accelerated by rampant womanly hormones, the fact that my daughter is turning 5 and becoming very independent and the harsh knowledge that I am not having a another child (which is not new info for me, I have known for quite a while now. At least since my doctor, and then 2 more told me that me+another pregnancy is not the best idea in the world)… Am I reaching into the void of too much information? Quite probably but that’s what you get for reading a blog written by someone who calls herself camikaos…

So as I sit in a brief cycle of calm in the swirling world of me and my emotions I am able to briefly reflect on the reality of things. I am a busy stay at home mom with an old house that takes lots of care, lots of technology clutter, books everywhere, music equipment, art supplies and cooking stuff, not to mention toys and 2 cats everywhere I look. We are in a constant battle to hold back the clutter and keep things “neat”… and we have not won the battle, no sir we have not. We haven’t lost the battle… we’re holding back the troops of messy but not by much… a few lazy days and the tide could turn.

In addition to the everyday little things I have entire rooms to organize, innumerable toys that K no longer uses that should be given to friends with kids or to someone who needs or wants that clutter in their house… we have remodeling still on the horizon and last but not least I value my down time… what little I have.

With that said, if Mike called and said “Hey I just got off the phone with the breeder, when do you want to go pick up the puppy?” my answer would be “right now”

and thus the cycle of cami continues…

One thought on “but i need it…

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