Sometimes, I just stop. Not because the day is over. Not because everything’s done. But because I’ve reached my limit. Sensory, emotional, existential—doesn’t matter which. My system throws a little internal breaker switch and suddenly it’s time. Back in the box. It’s not a literal box (though if you told me I could crawl into … Continue reading back in the box…
It finally happened. After weeks of delay, incantations disguised as order confirmations, and whispered pleas into the void of tracking numbers… two of the creatures arrived. But not by mail. Not by courier. Not even via Pop Mart drop. They were hand-delivered by my internet fairy godfather at the sweetest little coffee shop on the … Continue reading Creature Report: Entry 004 – They’re Heeeeere
Somewhere in November of 2006, I let something out I hadn’t meant to share—just a breath at first. But it turned into a voice. It wasn’t calculated.It was necessary.And it was brave. I didn’t know what I was doing. I just knew I needed to say something. Anything. Loudly. On the internet. Before I drowned … Continue reading Post 1200: A Love Letter to Every Version of Me Who Hit Publish
When I was growing up, I wanted to be a thousand different things depending on the day. Some of them made sense. Some of them were just hyperfixations in disguise. But through all the shifting interests and costume changes, a few constants stuck: I wanted to be my Aunt Sandy. I wanted to be Catwoman. … Continue reading I’m Writing an Advice Column. Ask Me Something Weird and Specific…
Unmasking Is Weird For most of my life, I’ve felt fake.Not dishonest. Not deceptive. Just… performed. Like every interaction came with a script I didn’t write but had to memorize to survive. Smile here. Ask that. Tilt your head just so. Don’t talk too much. Don’t talk too little. Don’t stim. Don’t fidget. Don’t correct … Continue reading be yourself, but not like that…
(It's Not a Security Blanket. It’s a Lifestyle Choice.) When I was a kid, I had the blanket. You know the one. Threadbare but beloved. Always slightly damp at one corner. Soft in a way nothing else on earth quite managed to be. I dragged it everywhere—across tile floors, into the back seat of the … Continue reading Blanket Statement
On masks, maybe-friends, and the quiet exhaustion of trying too hard for too long. I used to think friendship was binary. That story—the one about flower bracelets and a life-sized doll—was where I started. It set the tone, the standard, the shape of what I thought friendship was supposed to feel like. Then everything got … Continue reading my history of understanding friendship — act II: the third thing
When I was a kid, friendship felt pretty straightforward. You’d walk up to another kid on the playground and ask if they wanted to play. If they said yes and were nice, boom: friend. If they said no or broke one of my sacred, unspoken rules? Not a friend. Just some kid with poor judgment. … Continue reading my history of understanding friendship — act I: the bracelet-making soulmate and the life-sized goodbye..
When I was a kid, all the way through the end of my school career, I was frequently absent. I was accused regularly of playing sick to achieve this level of absence. The amount of guilt I have carried with me over the years for faking sick is... a lot. It's a lot to carry. … Continue reading cami is absent today…
The past 18 months or so of my life have been a lot. Never mind any part that has anything to do with anything outside of my brain, body, and spirit. Reflecting on the me-ness of this past year and a half has been a lot. I think my childhood was about avoiding diagnosis and … Continue reading the diagnosis…
CamiKaos 