On masks, maybe-friends, and the quiet exhaustion of trying too hard for too long. I used to think friendship was binary. That story—the one about flower bracelets and a life-sized doll—was where I started. It set the tone, the standard, the shape of what I thought friendship was supposed to feel like. Then everything got … Continue reading my history of understanding friendship — act II: the third thing
Tag: life
my history of understanding friendship — act I: the bracelet-making soulmate and the life-sized goodbye..
When I was a kid, friendship felt pretty straightforward. You’d walk up to another kid on the playground and ask if they wanted to play. If they said yes and were nice, boom: friend. If they said no or broke one of my sacred, unspoken rules? Not a friend. Just some kid with poor judgment. … Continue reading my history of understanding friendship — act I: the bracelet-making soulmate and the life-sized goodbye..
cami is absent today…
When I was a kid, all the way through the end of my school career, I was frequently absent. I was accused regularly of playing sick to achieve this level of absence. The amount of guilt I have carried with me over the years for faking sick is... a lot. It's a lot to carry. … Continue reading cami is absent today…
the thing about 2024…
2024 came on the heels of 2023. Let me tell you something about 2023. It was fucking rough. I don’t remember it particularly well, but I remember how it felt. Like I'd been hit by a semi-truck. In May of 2023 I flew home from a business trip overseas and slept for three days. When … Continue reading the thing about 2024…
the diagnosis…
The past 18 months or so of my life have been a lot. Never mind any part that has anything to do with anything outside of my brain, body, and spirit. Reflecting on the me-ness of this past year and a half has been a lot. I think my childhood was about avoiding diagnosis and … Continue reading the diagnosis…
I can’t fight this feeling…
Perhaps I should say I won't fight this feeling. I paused. I took a day's worth of breaths. I let the feelings wash over me in waves. Panicked. Numb. Angry. Numb. Mourning. Numb. Disgust. Numb. Understanding. Disgust. Anger. Hurt. Numb. I don't want the numb. I don't want to be calm. I don't want to … Continue reading I can’t fight this feeling…
the one less traveled…
Sometimes just sitting and working things make their way into your conscious mind. Who knows from where the come. It could be anywhere. A look across the table, a penny lying in the street, a particularly intricate spiderweb covered in dew, a word, the sound of a plane overhead or a vivid dream recalled from … Continue reading the one less traveled…
the typewritten word…
There's something about the look of those stark black letters on white cotton paper being pulled from the typewriter. There's no way to duplicate it. You can't photocopy it and achieve the same effect. You can't use your computer because no font in the world can duplicate it. The indentation of the letters perfectly in … Continue reading the typewritten word…
water glass
in time
Years can be such slippery intangible things, as we slide from one to the next. Season to season. Walking through our lives noticing so little of what the last year has held and what the coming years will bring. Except hair wet with rain in Spring. Skin glistening with sweat in Summer. Crunching leaves beneath … Continue reading in time
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