Thyroid meds, dread, hope, and lotion on the skin. I am fragile like a bomb… carving out space for joy while my body recalibrates.
Tag: life
Masking Monday: The Good Friend Mask
We’ve established here before that I called out sick from school. A lot. And when I was working from a physical office, I called out sick there too. The first time I was ever fired it was explicitly because I just could not reliably show up and pretend to be someone else 8 to 12 … Continue reading Masking Monday: The Good Friend Mask
Masking Monday: The Face at Rest…
Let’s talk about my face. Specifically, the one it makes when I’m not actively arranging it for the comfort of the general public. Apparently, that face says: “I’m mad.”“I’m tired.”“I’m annoyed.”“I’m such a bitch.” Here’s the thing: I’m not mad. I’m not tired. I’m not annoyed. (Okay, sometimes I’m annoyed, but usually at my email … Continue reading Masking Monday: The Face at Rest…
back in the box…
Sometimes, I just stop. Not because the day is over. Not because everything’s done. But because I’ve reached my limit. Sensory, emotional, existential—doesn’t matter which. My system throws a little internal breaker switch and suddenly it’s time. Back in the box. It’s not a literal box (though if you told me I could crawl into … Continue reading back in the box…
Post 1200: A Love Letter to Every Version of Me Who Hit Publish
Somewhere in November of 2006, I let something out I hadn’t meant to share—just a breath at first. But it turned into a voice. It wasn’t calculated.It was necessary.And it was brave. I didn’t know what I was doing. I just knew I needed to say something. Anything. Loudly. On the internet. Before I drowned … Continue reading Post 1200: A Love Letter to Every Version of Me Who Hit Publish
be yourself, but not like that…
Unmasking Is Weird For most of my life, I’ve felt fake.Not dishonest. Not deceptive. Just… performed. Like every interaction came with a script I didn’t write but had to memorize to survive. Smile here. Ask that. Tilt your head just so. Don’t talk too much. Don’t talk too little. Don’t stim. Don’t fidget. Don’t correct … Continue reading be yourself, but not like that…
Blanket Statement
(It's Not a Security Blanket. It’s a Lifestyle Choice.) When I was a kid, I had the blanket. You know the one. Threadbare but beloved. Always slightly damp at one corner. Soft in a way nothing else on earth quite managed to be. I dragged it everywhere—across tile floors, into the back seat of the … Continue reading Blanket Statement
my history of understanding friendship — act III: of course I’m on a spectrum…
No relationship lives in black and white—and apparently, neither do I. In Act I, I told you about Cheri—the first friend who saw me without flinching. That friendship cracked something open in me, and then it broke me when it ended. In Act II, I picked up the pieces and tried to rebuild myself out … Continue reading my history of understanding friendship — act III: of course I’m on a spectrum…
my history of understanding friendship — act II: the third thing
On masks, maybe-friends, and the quiet exhaustion of trying too hard for too long. I used to think friendship was binary. That story—the one about flower bracelets and a life-sized doll—was where I started. It set the tone, the standard, the shape of what I thought friendship was supposed to feel like. Then everything got … Continue reading my history of understanding friendship — act II: the third thing
my history of understanding friendship — act I: the bracelet-making soulmate and the life-sized goodbye..
When I was a kid, friendship felt pretty straightforward. You’d walk up to another kid on the playground and ask if they wanted to play. If they said yes and were nice, boom: friend. If they said no or broke one of my sacred, unspoken rules? Not a friend. Just some kid with poor judgment. … Continue reading my history of understanding friendship — act I: the bracelet-making soulmate and the life-sized goodbye..
CamiKaos 