I've never been able to satisfactorily explain this, but I don't like to be touched. Unless I do. And by never been able to satisfactorily explain it, I mean to anybody. Including myself. People sometimes think or feel in huge generalities. I niche down. The big space is too nebulous for me. There are maybe … Continue reading unless I do…
I’m on a second day of full rest. Which sounds dramatic. But it’s because I left my house on Monday. This isn’t a story about a bad driver.Or a death threat.Or even the adrenaline crash that followed. Though it does contains all of those things. It’s about what happens after the body decides it was … Continue reading contact not required…
Earlier this week I stopped my partner mid-whatever-he-was-doing to talk. Despite comfortably shouting about all that’s wrong with me here on the internet, in my real life I don’t really like to talk about the hard stuff. Write? Absolutely. I will excavate my own rib cage in prose. But speak? Have a conversation… No thank … Continue reading on sitting in the shower…
I like dates. I mean… I also like going on dates, but only if it’s not with a person I don’t know. I like dates with people I already know and love. Dates where I’m expected to convince someone to like me — or be convinced to like them — are actually pretty horrible. Doesn’t … Continue reading friday the thirteenths…
When I was little, we used to visit my mom’s parents at a house on the coast of California that the family called The Brown House. It may surprise you to hear, but the entire exterior of the house was indeed brown. As the youngest in the family, and the most compact, it was my … Continue reading calamari…
There’s a space between underdoing it and overdoing it that other people call Tuesday. I seem to have misplaced mine. It feels ridiculous to me that I, an intelligent 48-year-old woman, still don’t have the sense to stop and rest when I need to. I haven’t ever really known how to. Not consistently. But it’s … Continue reading finding Tuesday…
Unmasking Is Weird For most of my life, I’ve felt fake.Not dishonest. Not deceptive. Just… performed. Like every interaction came with a script I didn’t write but had to memorize to survive. Smile here. Ask that. Tilt your head just so. Don’t talk too much. Don’t talk too little. Don’t stim. Don’t fidget. Don’t correct … Continue reading be yourself, but not like that…
(It's Not a Security Blanket. It’s a Lifestyle Choice.) When I was a kid, I had the blanket. You know the one. Threadbare but beloved. Always slightly damp at one corner. Soft in a way nothing else on earth quite managed to be. I dragged it everywhere—across tile floors, into the back seat of the … Continue reading Blanket Statement
I'm not always good at writing about the good days. I tend to hate the internet trend of posting when everything is perfect and beautiful and you're a pretty pretty princess who is blessed with the grace of all things beautiful. I want people to share their joy. I just don't like it when that's … Continue reading the last day…
This is not my story to tell, but sometimes you tell a story anyway. A story that impacts you deeply. One that has informed and influenced your entire life. One that you've known since the day you were born, but can't possibly know all of. Despite what the title says, the story starts more than … Continue reading 50 years…
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