I didn’t mean to become a person who collects weird little goblin toys. I’ve long hated Elf on the Shelf and its smug surveillance vibes. I’m more of a Skelly person—a full-sized plastic skeleton who lives in our house year-round. You can’t lose something that big. Though, to be fair, bones do keep falling off. … Continue reading Creature Report Entry 001: Please Be Weird in a Way I Can Love
be yourself, but not like that…
Unmasking Is Weird For most of my life, I’ve felt fake.Not dishonest. Not deceptive. Just… performed. Like every interaction came with a script I didn’t write but had to memorize to survive. Smile here. Ask that. Tilt your head just so. Don’t talk too much. Don’t talk too little. Don’t stim. Don’t fidget. Don’t correct … Continue reading be yourself, but not like that…
Blanket Statement
(It's Not a Security Blanket. It’s a Lifestyle Choice.) When I was a kid, I had the blanket. You know the one. Threadbare but beloved. Always slightly damp at one corner. Soft in a way nothing else on earth quite managed to be. I dragged it everywhere—across tile floors, into the back seat of the … Continue reading Blanket Statement
my history of understanding friendship — act III: of course I’m on a spectrum…
No relationship lives in black and white—and apparently, neither do I. In Act I, I told you about Cheri—the first friend who saw me without flinching. That friendship cracked something open in me, and then it broke me when it ended. In Act II, I picked up the pieces and tried to rebuild myself out … Continue reading my history of understanding friendship — act III: of course I’m on a spectrum…
my history of understanding friendship — act II: the third thing
On masks, maybe-friends, and the quiet exhaustion of trying too hard for too long. I used to think friendship was binary. That story—the one about flower bracelets and a life-sized doll—was where I started. It set the tone, the standard, the shape of what I thought friendship was supposed to feel like. Then everything got … Continue reading my history of understanding friendship — act II: the third thing
my history of understanding friendship — act I: the bracelet-making soulmate and the life-sized goodbye..
When I was a kid, friendship felt pretty straightforward. You’d walk up to another kid on the playground and ask if they wanted to play. If they said yes and were nice, boom: friend. If they said no or broke one of my sacred, unspoken rules? Not a friend. Just some kid with poor judgment. … Continue reading my history of understanding friendship — act I: the bracelet-making soulmate and the life-sized goodbye..
cami is absent today…
When I was a kid, all the way through the end of my school career, I was frequently absent. I was accused regularly of playing sick to achieve this level of absence. The amount of guilt I have carried with me over the years for faking sick is... a lot. It's a lot to carry. … Continue reading cami is absent today…
never will
words swarmingstinging for attentionnot in turnen masse. if I couldI’d compile themcollect themalign themfor battlefor beautyfor sense. alas I never will write a poemyou know… because of the tism.
I accidentally left my martini in 2023…
If you know me even a little you probably know that the last two years of my life have been... intensecrazeda complete mental breakdownmeditativefull of growthdifficulta rollercoaster of medicationa cascade of evaluations and diagnoses full of doctorsfull of lovemuch pinker than the previous 45 years of my lifeI haven't had a lot of time to … Continue reading I accidentally left my martini in 2023…
so my therapist asked about my hair process…
I had a very productive session with my therapist on Monday. This is my standard all the time therapist that I'm seeing every week because that's just how life is right now. If you find yourself being late in life diagnosed with Autism and ADHD within a few months of one another I also encourage … Continue reading so my therapist asked about my hair process…
CamiKaos 