I've never been able to satisfactorily explain this, but I don't like to be touched. Unless I do. And by never been able to satisfactorily explain it, I mean to anybody. Including myself. People sometimes think or feel in huge generalities. I niche down. The big space is too nebulous for me. There are maybe … Continue reading unless I do…
I struggle to exist in space with other people. I understand what’s happening around me. The shape of the room. The dynamics. The unspoken tensions. I can observe a situation with almost clinical clarity. As long as I’m not part of it. The moment I factor into the equation, my grip loosens. It’s like I … Continue reading blending…
Earlier this week I stopped my partner mid-whatever-he-was-doing to talk. Despite comfortably shouting about all that’s wrong with me here on the internet, in my real life I don’t really like to talk about the hard stuff. Write? Absolutely. I will excavate my own rib cage in prose. But speak? Have a conversation… No thank … Continue reading on sitting in the shower…
I like dates. I mean… I also like going on dates, but only if it’s not with a person I don’t know. I like dates with people I already know and love. Dates where I’m expected to convince someone to like me — or be convinced to like them — are actually pretty horrible. Doesn’t … Continue reading friday the thirteenths…
When I was little, we used to visit my mom’s parents at a house on the coast of California that the family called The Brown House. It may surprise you to hear, but the entire exterior of the house was indeed brown. As the youngest in the family, and the most compact, it was my … Continue reading calamari…
I’m toward the end of an interview process for a role I wasn’t looking for, but that regardless of the outcome, I’m super glad I went for. It’s been the most transparent and thoughtful hiring process I’ve ever been a part of. But I am me, and even the most transparent and excellent hiring process … Continue reading progress and apologies…
Yesterday, as I was leaving the very same coffee shop I’m sitting in right now, I crossed the street in the middle of the block. There were cars coming, but they were slowed by traffic. I could have walked to the corner. I should have walked to the corner. I know that. And on any … Continue reading something I’d never do…
Things don’t always go according to plan. Not even the good plans. Not even the plans with color-coding and optimism and a little internal gold star. It’s nothing personal. It’s just a fact of life. Though sometimes the thing not going according to plan is the spark that nudges your entire life onto a different … Continue reading lost: one plain light pink leather journal…
At some point fairly recently I finally acknowledged that a fair portion of my completely exhausting myself before noon has nothing to do with effort and everything to do with momentum. If I wake up with nothing structured or enforced ahead of me, I will either absolutely, deeply, fully do nothing… or I’ll ricochet from … Continue reading trying not to tilt…
Last night, as my mind was grasping at straws for a reason to be awake, it started narrating the pain flaring in my lower back and hips. Turning it into words. Into poetry. Little visual metaphors born from the feeling of pain itself. My mind screamed about it long enough that I finally picked up … Continue reading poems lost between midnight and morning…
CamiKaos 