I always thought part of my struggle as a human was that I'm not terribly malleable. Imagine my surprise when — after years of therapy — I had the realization that I've been too fucking malleable. Too willing to change and reshape myself. Repackage myself. Let my opinions be known… but not if they're hurtful. … Continue reading one star only…
There's a lazy susan in my head where certain obsessions live. Some of them have been spinning on it my entire life, and every time one comes back around I've gathered more knowledge without really trying, more context, more capacity to actually do something with it. Somewhere between all that accumulated knowing and a lot … Continue reading susan works smart…
I've been listening to Little Earthquakes on repeat for a few weeks now. The whole album. In order. Without the later bonus content that appeared with various reissues, like someone decided the perfect thing needed to be longer. This is unusual for me in two ways, and I was about to explain both of them … Continue reading 4:38am…
About a month ago, shortly before last Friday the 13th, I decided I should do something intentionally nice for myself every single day. I didn't think it would be easy but I genuinely didn't think it would be hard. Some days were easy. I ordered a coffee mug from a ceramic artist who I know from … Continue reading friday the thirteenths, part two of three…
I've never been able to satisfactorily explain this, but I don't like to be touched. Unless I do. And by never been able to satisfactorily explain it, I mean to anybody. Including myself. People sometimes think or feel in huge generalities. I niche down. The big space is too nebulous for me. There are maybe … Continue reading unless I do…
I struggle to exist in space with other people. I understand what’s happening around me. The shape of the room. The dynamics. The unspoken tensions. I can observe a situation with almost clinical clarity. As long as I’m not part of it. The moment I factor into the equation, my grip loosens. It’s like I … Continue reading blending…
Earlier this week I stopped my partner mid-whatever-he-was-doing to talk. Despite comfortably shouting about all that’s wrong with me here on the internet, in my real life I don’t really like to talk about the hard stuff. Write? Absolutely. I will excavate my own rib cage in prose. But speak? Have a conversation… No thank … Continue reading on sitting in the shower…
I like dates. I mean… I also like going on dates, but only if it’s not with a person I don’t know. I like dates with people I already know and love. Dates where I’m expected to convince someone to like me — or be convinced to like them — are actually pretty horrible. Doesn’t … Continue reading friday the thirteenths…
When I was little, we used to visit my mom’s parents at a house on the coast of California that the family called The Brown House. It may surprise you to hear, but the entire exterior of the house was indeed brown. As the youngest in the family, and the most compact, it was my … Continue reading calamari…
I’m toward the end of an interview process for a role I wasn’t looking for, but that regardless of the outcome, I’m super glad I went for. It’s been the most transparent and thoughtful hiring process I’ve ever been a part of. But I am me, and even the most transparent and excellent hiring process … Continue reading progress and apologies…
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