dream marriage

Last night Mr. Kaos tossed and turned and turned and tossed and didn’t sleep. We, all three of us, have a cold. K seems to be coming through it fine, Mr. Kaos is getting better, but I feel like a zombie.

Still I felt bad to see him so exhausted this morning so I ushered K out to wrap a present and make a card for her friend’s birthday and we left him slumbering peacefully… or so I thought.

Around 11 AM we heard a great stirring and he wandered into the dining room without any pants looking psychotic and disturbed. He snuggled me briefly then ran upstairs. I was wearing my headphones and listening to an old episode of TWiT(the one with the Tiki Bar TV folks) at the time so I just kind of sat there completely befuddled until he came back down the stairs in pants a few moments later.

He hugged and kissed me then told me he loved me. I had to pause my show so I could get to the bottom of things. We’re a lovey dovey affectionate couple but not when one of us just woke up. In the first 30 minutes of wakefullness it’s hot sex or please don’t touch me.

What was happening?

I told him I still wasn’t feeling well and wondered out loud if he could take K to her birthday party today so I could get some rest.

“Of course baby, anything for you” and a kiss on my forehead with a great big hug was his reply.

HUH??? Where was I the Twilight Zone?

K started asking questions about the theme for the party and whether or not the other kids would be wearing costumes (to her the day is hardly worth living if a costume isn’t donned). I told her it was a jungle theme so she could wear a safari ensemble. She started going on about dressing like Ursula from George of the Jungle or Jane from Tarzan… I told her Ursula would have to do since we didn’t own a bustle.

Mr. Kaos followed me into her room as I sorted through her mountain of clothing for khaki’s and thanked me again for letting him sleep in. This is when he wove me a wondrous tale, a story, the dream he’d had shortly before waking that turned into a nightmare.

It started with him playing the drums for some work event, which is not an uncommon occurrence, but that’s where the dream took a turn for the worse. When he got off stage instead of receiving the normal accolades from his coworkers they detailed for him how very much he sucked.

Disappointed and hurt he made his way home to his loving family only to find a hive of activity as I was packing to leave him. My mother was there trying to mediate things but doing a shit job of it because with no explanation I said it was over and left him alone to raise K.

At this point my dear friend (hi M) returned from England. He wore a mod wig and spoke in an exaggeration of his normal British accent. He tried to entertain Mr. Kaos while getting to the bottom of what happened. Many of my friends apparently made cameos, non could understand why I left.

Then he woke up.

I hugged him and told him it was all fine, I’m not going anywhere…

he said “All the same, no more housework for you ever again”

I guess it’s a good thing we’re Agnostic...